TCATS #480 - Fruit of Actual Truth

I've been thinking a lot lately about actual truth versus institutionally endorsed truth. It's true they can be one and the same, but I think it's important to make the distinction because of the resulting conclusions that can be reached. One can mistakenly think that positive, heartwarming feelings (the fruits) are coming from the institution rather than the truths themselves. 

For example, as I was singing the last song today during our Music & the Spoken Word program, I felt a warm/positive feeling when singing the following lyrics:

*Courage, for the Lord is on our side.

*An unseen power will aid me and you.

*Prosper the cause of truth.

*No need to fear.

At first I was tempted to associate these good feelings with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, itself. After all, the Church does endorse this song and its teachings. But really, the truth in these lyrics can (and first and foremost should) stand on its own. Any human being on planet earth can choose to believe these truths and gain strength from them if they so choose. 

It's no particular secret I'm on a faith journey to figure some things out. Part of that journey is cutting the strings attached to long-held beliefs and truths and examining them from different perspectives and understandings. That process also includes detaching them from any particular institution. 

While this journey is fraught with uncomfortable realities and feelings of loneliness and disappointment, I'm grateful for the "a-ha!" moments I have along the way and for recognizing truths that feel good to me. If I can come up with a substantial list of truths that I can fully support, I'll be better equipped to make some visible progress in my journey. I'll also feel less guilt when I have a hard time reconciling things I've been taught with my lived experience and the fruit from actual truth. 

Example? 

Taking the same song today, the following lyrics are ones I had a much harder time feeling good after singing them:

*Let us all press on in the work of the Lord, that when life is o'er we main gain a reward. (Yes, I want to press forward in helping people, but I don't want to do it just to gain a reward in the next life.)

*The Lord our helper, will ever be near. (I often don't feel Him near, even when I feel like I'm entitled to that or really need or want that.)

*In the days of trial, His saints He will cheer. (Is that supposed to be often? Just in the next life? Maybe a couple of times a year? It's been a very long time since I've felt cheerful and full of optimistic hope)

 

I'd be tempted at this point to say "Well Ryan, you must not be a very good member of the Church because you don't believe or resonate with or identify with over a third of this song. What is wrong with you?" 

Now by disassociating the institution from the truth, I can say "I'm just going to take the truths from this song that bring good fruits to my soul and the rest I can leave behind. And leaving some behind is OK."

Anyway, I didn't quite intend to make this post so introspective or heavy, but that's the way it turned out and I'm going to choose to be OK with it :) 

Hope you all have a fantastic week and seek out truth that will bring you fruits of love, hope, and peace.

Until next time, may God be with you.

Singing "Let Us All Press On", 1/21/24

TCATS #479 - The Bookend Basses

Today's broadcast was probably my 400th+ broadcast of all time and sometimes (as you might imagine) I just like to find unique or interesting aspects of my weekly experience. The songs we sang today were fairly typical ones, but if I had to assign a percentage to each of the songs (indicating how often the basses actually sang), it would look like this:

Standing on the Promises (85%)

I Know That My Savior Loves Me (20%)

Dearest Children, God is Near You (10%)

Down to the River (60%)

As I Have Loved You (25%)

Press Forward Saints (100%)

As you can see, we started strong, ended stronger, but had a fairly limited "middle"!

Being a bass is interesting. We rarely get the melody, several songs are full of repeated lines, we can never sing high enough (just ask Ryan Murphy in particular, haha), and we're often told to sing less or sing so we can be "felt but not heard." It's sometimes a thankless job, but someone's got to do it! Every so often we have those moments when we get to shine in all our "lower glory". I guess being a bass is a lot like life, actually: full of routines, supporting others, being content, and only occasionally enjoying those moments full of joy and splendor. 

During the break today, Wes and Patrick and I talked about the two options we get to pick from in regards to activities in the Philippines. One option is to tour Corrigidor Island (WWII related), and the other is to enjoy Pico de Loro beach. Pros and cons to each, but we decided to go with the beach. Amidst our concerts, rehearsals, and service activities, it'll be nice to have a little downtime.

One other choir-related thing that was kind of fun. So my good friend Ryan was in the Choir for 21+ years, having been released just a couple of years ago. At the time of his release, he emailed me a letter that he wanted me to print off and give to the new choir member who would be inheriting his choir number (B077). Sadly, none of the new folks coming in were given that number. So it's just been sitting inactive for quite a while now. That all changed, though, when this recent round of newbies started their Choir journey in 2024. Working in the library, I noticed that B077 had finally been assigned! And just as soon as this guy completes Choir School and actually joins the Tabernacle Choir (in April), I'll have the letter right ready to give to him. 

To end today's post, I wanted to share one portion of that yet-to-be-delivered letter as I think it embodies the Choir experience really well:

"You will sit by many other basses. It can sometimes be hard to get acquainted
with others, but it’s worth it. The choir is full of people from diverse backgrounds and life experiences. Some of them will become dear friends. Some of them will need support and encouragement. Some of them might have a unique way of lifting and strengthening you. As we sing together, the Spirit often works miracles in conveying the message to the hearts of those listening. Most of the impact you will never know, but don’t forget that it is so very real. More often, you’ll be the one impacted. Enjoy this great blessing and never take choir membership for granted."

Until next time, God be with you.

From today's broadcast, 1/14/24.

TCATS #478 - 2024 Begins

As the Choir and Orchestra ended their two-week break and reconvened this past Thursday to make beautiful music, they were joined by 35 new soon-to-be Choir members. These new members will spend four months in Choir School (and the Chorale) preparing to become full-fledged members of the Tabernacle Choir. They were distinguished from the rest of us by colored dots on their name tags and could be spotted wandering the halls getting familiar with their music lockers and the rooms they'd spend considerable time in. It's the circle of choir life. People come, they partake, they experience, they contribute, and then they leave and are replaced by someone else. 

At rehearsal, President Leavitt greeted us and recapped what was in store for the year ahead. We have our Philippines tour in just seven weeks, Lloyd Newell being replaced by a yet-unknown individual, General Conference, the Summer Concert, another tour opportunity in September to the southeast United States (exact location to be announced later), then General Conference again, followed by the Christmas Concert. And, of course, about 48 MSW performances 😀.

The rehearsal itself went OK. It was nice to see everyone again and sing. But if I'm being honest, for me personally, I felt a disconnect that I can't quite elaborate on. Sort of this feeling of not belonging or of standing on the very edge of the rehearsal experience about to fall off. I felt sad and frustrated at trying to interpret what my feelings were trying to tell me. The sadness was even more felt because I had woke up that morning feeling quite excited at the prospect of going back to Choir. So to get there and then feel "down" and confused was...hard. 

Anyway...

I'm sure the broadcast today involved a lot of traveling miracles. Given the snowstorm that was in-progress as everyone tried to make their way to the Tabernacle, there's little doubt of dozens of harrowing stories to tell. In fact, rehearsal was delayed 20 min just to give people extra time to arrive. At long last though, rehearsal began and made our way through seven songs that were deemed by Mack as "old friends". Which of course is code for "we've sang these at least 100 times each, so we shouldn't need to rehearse them too much." My favorite of the bunch was "We Thank Thee Lord for This New Day". The minor key seemed to fit my mood. I know my personal life challenges are bleeding into my choir experience, but I'm not sure how to prevent that from happening. It's just a lonely, unsure, grasping-for-hope time for me and it's all I can do sometimes to just show up and hope for the best. There were several friends who asked me how I was and they did their best to respond in helpful, kind, and sympathetic ways as I recounted my honest feelings. One day I'll surprise them all by saying "things couldn't be better!" and they'll look at me skeptically and respond "Are you sure?"

Visiting the Choir today was Deborah Voigt--who was the guest artist at the 2013 Christmas Concert. She addressed the Choir after the broadcast and relayed how happy she was to be back and hear us sing (and hear the orchestra play). She said singing with the Choir was one of the highlights of her career and thanked us for all that we do.

And that, as they say, is that. 

Until next time, God be with you. 

From today's MSW Broadcast

TCATS #477 - 2023 Christmas Concert Top Ten

The Christmas Concert each year is so big, so epic, and involves so many people, I always feel inadequate to try and write up any sort of comprehensive review. In addition, a lot of choir members post experiences that their friends or loved ones had in attending the concert--and in reading through those, it's evident that each experience is uniquely personal and inspirational. So, I have to acknowledge that all I can really report on is the experience I had. Which I'll do by posting my top ten concert moments. If you want to read through some reviews by the media, please go HERE, HERE, and HERE (with a video preview HERE). 

TOP TEN (in no particular order)

10. The two days before the first concert are always exciting as I get to witness the whole program coming together for the first time. Everyone has done their part individually (choir, bells, orchestra, trumpets, actors, guest artists, stage crew, etc) and then we come together to transform individual contributions into a beautiful program of peace.

9. Singing right next to Wes and Dave made the whole experience all the better. I have respect for all my bass brethren, but events like the Christmas Concert are made all the better when I get to share the experience with two friends standing right next to me. (And since this is Wes' last Christmas Concert 😢, I was glad to share it with him)

8. Hearing the story of Victor Hugo and seeing it so beautifully acted out. I had no idea Victor and his wife had opened up their home for years each week to feed homeless and needy children. It was a touching story and made me appreciate the author all the more.

7. Hearing our guest artist Michael Maliakel sing "God Help the Outcast" (here) from the film "Hunchback of Notre Dame". It's a beautiful song in its own right, but listening to the lyrics as Michael sang them with such compassion was a really emotional experience. There are so many people in this world who feel like an outcast in so many ways, and I thought about them as I listened to this song each night.

God help the outcasts
Hungry from birth
Show them the mercy they don't find on Earth
God help my people
We look to you still
God help the outcasts or nobody will

I ask for nothing, I can get by
But I know so many less lucky than I
Please help my people
The poor and down trod
I thought we all were the children of God
God help the outcasts
Children of God

6. Listening to our guest artists Michael and Leslie talk about their lives and answer questions that choir members had for them (this was done before the concert on Saturday). They are both such good people and they expressed how grateful they were to be a part of the concert and to be treated with so much love and kindness while they've been here. 

5. Being asked by Wes to name my favorites songs. The question made me really think. Most of my favorites were ones being sung by Michael. So I picked two of his, and then I ended up picking one more that just the Choir did. I already mentioned one of Michael's above ("God Bless the Outcast"). Another one of my favorites from Michael was “I Wonder as I Wander”. It had significant meaning to me personally as I’ve done a lot of wondering while wandering through my pain this past year. That wondering has led to me feeling much more of Christ’s love and awareness. As far as the favorite song the Choir sang, I went with “Still, Still, Still”. As I was singing it Friday night, I really felt something. The words to that song are perfect.  And again, for me personally, singing that song reminds me of the need I have to be still and be present in the moment so that I can better recognize God’s love. (Honorable mention goes to “Angels From the Realms of Glory.” I know that’s one we sing every year, but there’s nothing like singing that last note and having the audience burst forth with applause! Quite the rush.)

4. Seeing the audience respond to our performance of "Ode to Joy". Wow. I can't remember a time during the past eight Christmas Concert performances where the audience gave us a standing ovation for a song (let alone a song performed in the middle of the concert). I can't say I loved learning it (we sing it in German), but it was definitely a crowd-pleaser!

3. Being able to talk with some of my buddies during the breaks and at dinner on Saturday evening (Wes, Patrick, Jason, Matt, Ben, Willy, Clark, Jay, Alan, Siope and others). Love these guys.

2. Making eye contact with several individuals (both adults and kids) as we made our way down the aisles during the processional. I could tell it made their day to receive a smile and be acknowledged.

1. Sitting next to a friend during some downtime we had. We didn't say a lot. We just needed to sit in the space we were in emotionally, together. He and I share a reality in which we feel like we don't quite fit in (for different--but in some ways, similar reasons) and it's always nice to know we're not alone.

And now, the Choir will take a much needed two-week break. 

See you all in 2024!

And until then, God be with you.

TCATS #476 - Of Lloyd Newell, the Busiest Week, and the Guest House

The choir experience started off with some sobering news: Lloyd Newell, the host of Music & the Spoken Word for 34 years now has been released from his service. I guess it wasn't too much of a shock because that's a LONG time to be serving in just one position. Still though... people all over the world associate him with this program and with providing words of wisdom, love, peace, and insight every Sunday. It's hard to really calculate all the ways he'll be missed. But, whoever does take his place will, I'm sure, do a great job and perhaps infuse new life into this role. I'm personally hoping we get a woman replacement--I think that would be cool. But we'll see. 

We had a lengthy rehearsal after the broadcast and after that was over and fulfilling my library duties, I got home about 12:45. On the way out today, they had handed us a FOUR-PAGE handout on all the things we need to know about this upcoming week, so I took some time to read through it. Lots of stuff to keep in mind. But most of it was typical instructions that have applied every year:  security issues, parking, where to go when, how to line up, what to bring and what not to bring, overall schedules, etc. 

We'll rehearse Tuesday and Wednesday--Wednesday being the day I love the most (seeing everything come together for the first time). And then our performances will be Thursday thru Saturday, with Sunday's MSW being one that will feature our special guests. It's a very long week, but an exciting one, and being to share it with 60,000 people (and more, when it's released next year on PBS) is a pretty awesome feeling. I'm also looking forward to the bonding that occurs with my fellow basses and friends when singing together songs of Christ.

On a different topic....

As the year starts to come to an end, I always get into "reflection mode" and try and examine where I am and where I want to be--and then how to get there. There's plenty that's happened this year that has taken me to the depths of pain, heartache, guilt, and despair. But in the midst of all of that is growth, perspective, and understanding--as well as increased empathy and compassion. I don't claim to be an expert in any of these things, but I'm grateful for the opportunity to gain a little more of them. They will serve me as I try and serve and help others in whatever path they are trodding along. 

All of this ties in with a poem that a good friend shared with me a few weeks ago. I was impressed by it and wanted to share it here. It's by Rumi:

THE GUEST HOUSE

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning, a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
Some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of your furniture.
Still, treat each guest honorably.
He may clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

As I look towards next year and all of the challenges and potential hardships, I need to stop and remember that there is much of life I can't control. My job is to live in the moment, embrace what I'm given--either by learning from it, enjoying it, being tested by it, or feeling pain from it. And have hope that all of these "unexpected (and expected) visitors" that come into my "house" can lead to a new delight. I don't know yet if I can be grateful for each such visitor, or welcome each with laughter or proactively let each of them in. But I can try knowing I'll be better in some way for doing it.

Until next time, God be with you.

TCATS #475 - Just Then

The morning is cold and dark.
The snow softly fell through the night,
Its blanket of white overridden by rain.
It is time. Time to go.

I pause before turning the key,
Already tired.
People are counting on me
So I start the car and begin my journey.

How will it all work out? I wonder.
Will the music lift me today?
Will I feel what I long to feel?
Will I uplift those who need me the most?

The melodies of Christmas rarely fail me.
But I never know.
My mood, my thoughts, my longings
Sometimes muffle the connection.

A warmth grows inside
As the lyrics for this one ring true.
This one, yes, this one
Feeds my soul.

Surrounded by people
I want to connect.
But even as I smile, react, and reply
I must choose instantly: real, mask, or stage?

I know I am loved, genuinely.
My protected heart tries to open
For all the good to come in.
It just doesn't know how.

The crowd stands and applauds.
Some have been truly touched.
Others are just polite.
The conductor's two thumbs up reflect a job well done.

We sing once more
A song just for them.
We connect, lock onto, and promise.
But will we really "meet again"?

Savor the moment, I'm told.
Soon it will all be over.
Yet that just makes me sad.
Look behind, look ahead, hold on.

I belong, but I don't.
I blend in, but stand out.
I want to stay, yet long to run.
I am embraced, but am pushed away.

As I leave, I talk to friends
Savoring the way they validate.
Little do they know
They help keep me alive.

I pause again before turning the key.
Feelings are jumbled, emotions mixed.
I just sang for the world.
But now that's over, and I must go back.

Back to the silent noise.

TCATS #474 - Christmas Broadcasts Commence!

With Thanksgiving come and gone, Music & the Spoken Word  will devote the next five broadcasts to celebrating the light, hope, joy, and magic of Christmas. We started things off right by having the Bells join us. And the seven songs shared today were...

Sussex Carol
English carol; Arr. Mack Wilberg

Whence Is That Goodly Fragrance Flowing?
French carol; Arr. Mack Wilberg

I Saw Three Ships (organ only)
English carol; Arr. Richard Elliott

Still, Still, Still
Austrian carol; Arr. Mack Wilberg

Carol of the Bells (bells only)
Ukrainian carol; Arr. Kevin McChesney

Noe! Noe!
French carol; Arr. Mack Wilberg

O Come All Ye Faithful
attr. John F. Wade; Arr. Mack Wilberg

It's really difficult to pick favorites when it comes to songs featured on these Christmas broadcasts. There are just so many good ones. For today though, I think the one I enjoyed singing the most was "Noe! Noe!" (take a listen HERE).  It's a very upbeat and joyful song and was one I just needed to hear today. (fun fact: the word "noe" is a latinization of the word "noel" which means birth of Christ or born on Christmas). 

After the broadcast, we went right into working on more Christmas songs for our upcoming concert. We still have two that we haven't even seen yet. And there's one new one today that we went through. 

The Christmas Concert seating chart came out this week and I will have the privilege of sitting next to Wes and Dave. I sat next to Wes last year for the Christmas Concert and feel grateful we get a round #2. Dave and I go way back to BYU Concert Choir days, so it's always fun to sit next to him, too. 

On a more contemplative note, I'm always thinking these days about my Choir experience and how long it will ultimately last. I have a lot of unresolved issues with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and I don't have a lot of hope that those issues will be resolved any time soon. In fact, they just seem to be growing. It creates sort of this incongruence problem as I try to put my whole heart and soul into the Choir experience while knowing the Choir and the Church are linked so tightly together. Fortunately for me I suppose, many of the songs we sing week to week are tied to the gospel of Jesus Christ itself--and not the institutional Church. Most of the gospel I can get behind  and truly believe in. But since the Choir represents the Church, it still makes it difficult. I don't know... I'm just trying to be honest and transparent here in letting you know it's a struggle. One that I don't know how to resolve and one that causes uncomfortable dissonance, often. 

We'll see where my journey takes me. 

OK. As I do every year, I wanted to give you some links to some great Christmas music resources. I hope you can incorporate these into your Christmas experience this year. Whether you're wanting a deeper relationship with Christ or wanting to re-live good memories of the past or just want to FEEL whatever uplifting/spiritual/sentimental/heart warming emotions Christmas music stirs up, I'm certain these resources can help. And let's face it. Songs on the radio like "Santa Baby" or "All I Want for Christmas Is You" may have their place in the secular celebration of Christmas, but there is more. 

Much more.

May you find what your soul needs during this Christmas season.

Until next time, God be with you. (Resources below)

 

Tabernacle Choir Christmas Playlists
(HERE (Spotify) and HERE (Apple))

Heartwarming Christmas videos (HERE)