Sunday, December 3, 2023

TCATS #475 - Just Then

The morning is cold and dark.
The snow softly fell through the night,
Its blanket of white overridden by rain.
It is time. Time to go.

I pause before turning the key,
Already tired.
People are counting on me
So I start the car and begin my journey.

How will it all work out? I wonder.
Will the music lift me today?
Will I feel what I long to feel?
Will I uplift those who need me the most?

The melodies of Christmas rarely fail me.
But I never know.
My mood, my thoughts, my longings
Sometimes muffle the connection.

A warmth grows inside
As the lyrics for this one ring true.
This one, yes, this one
Feeds my soul.

Surrounded by people
I want to connect.
But even as I smile, react, and reply
I must choose instantly: real, mask, or stage?

I know I am loved, genuinely.
My protected heart tries to open
For all the good to come in.
It just doesn't know how.

The crowd stands and applauds.
Some have been truly touched.
Others are just polite.
The conductor's two thumbs up reflect a job well done.

We sing once more
A song just for them.
We connect, lock onto, and promise.
But will we really "meet again"?

Savor the moment, I'm told.
Soon it will all be over.
Yet that just makes me sad.
Look behind, look ahead, hold on.

I belong, but I don't.
I blend in, but stand out.
I want to stay, yet long to run.
I am embraced, but am pushed away.

As I leave, I talk to friends
Savoring the way they validate.
Little do they know
They help keep me alive.

I pause again before turning the key.
Feelings are jumbled, emotions mixed.
I just sang for the world.
But now that's over, and I must go back.

Back to the silent noise.

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