TCATS #478 - 2024 Begins

As the Choir and Orchestra ended their two-week break and reconvened this past Thursday to make beautiful music, they were joined by 35 new soon-to-be Choir members. These new members will spend four months in Choir School (and the Chorale) preparing to become full-fledged members of the Tabernacle Choir. They were distinguished from the rest of us by colored dots on their name tags and could be spotted wandering the halls getting familiar with their music lockers and the rooms they'd spend considerable time in. It's the circle of choir life. People come, they partake, they experience, they contribute, and then they leave and are replaced by someone else. 

At rehearsal, President Leavitt greeted us and recapped what was in store for the year ahead. We have our Philippines tour in just seven weeks, Lloyd Newell being replaced by a yet-unknown individual, General Conference, the Summer Concert, another tour opportunity in September to the southeast United States (exact location to be announced later), then General Conference again, followed by the Christmas Concert. And, of course, about 48 MSW performances 😀.

The rehearsal itself went OK. It was nice to see everyone again and sing. But if I'm being honest, for me personally, I felt a disconnect that I can't quite elaborate on. Sort of this feeling of not belonging or of standing on the very edge of the rehearsal experience about to fall off. I felt sad and frustrated at trying to interpret what my feelings were trying to tell me. The sadness was even more felt because I had woke up that morning feeling quite excited at the prospect of going back to Choir. So to get there and then feel "down" and confused was...hard. 

Anyway...

I'm sure the broadcast today involved a lot of traveling miracles. Given the snowstorm that was in-progress as everyone tried to make their way to the Tabernacle, there's little doubt of dozens of harrowing stories to tell. In fact, rehearsal was delayed 20 min just to give people extra time to arrive. At long last though, rehearsal began and made our way through seven songs that were deemed by Mack as "old friends". Which of course is code for "we've sang these at least 100 times each, so we shouldn't need to rehearse them too much." My favorite of the bunch was "We Thank Thee Lord for This New Day". The minor key seemed to fit my mood. I know my personal life challenges are bleeding into my choir experience, but I'm not sure how to prevent that from happening. It's just a lonely, unsure, grasping-for-hope time for me and it's all I can do sometimes to just show up and hope for the best. There were several friends who asked me how I was and they did their best to respond in helpful, kind, and sympathetic ways as I recounted my honest feelings. One day I'll surprise them all by saying "things couldn't be better!" and they'll look at me skeptically and respond "Are you sure?"

Visiting the Choir today was Deborah Voigt--who was the guest artist at the 2013 Christmas Concert. She addressed the Choir after the broadcast and relayed how happy she was to be back and hear us sing (and hear the orchestra play). She said singing with the Choir was one of the highlights of her career and thanked us for all that we do.

And that, as they say, is that. 

Until next time, God be with you. 

From today's MSW Broadcast

TCATS #477 - 2023 Christmas Concert Top Ten

The Christmas Concert each year is so big, so epic, and involves so many people, I always feel inadequate to try and write up any sort of comprehensive review. In addition, a lot of choir members post experiences that their friends or loved ones had in attending the concert--and in reading through those, it's evident that each experience is uniquely personal and inspirational. So, I have to acknowledge that all I can really report on is the experience I had. Which I'll do by posting my top ten concert moments. If you want to read through some reviews by the media, please go HERE, HERE, and HERE (with a video preview HERE). 

TOP TEN (in no particular order)

10. The two days before the first concert are always exciting as I get to witness the whole program coming together for the first time. Everyone has done their part individually (choir, bells, orchestra, trumpets, actors, guest artists, stage crew, etc) and then we come together to transform individual contributions into a beautiful program of peace.

9. Singing right next to Wes and Dave made the whole experience all the better. I have respect for all my bass brethren, but events like the Christmas Concert are made all the better when I get to share the experience with two friends standing right next to me. (And since this is Wes' last Christmas Concert 😢, I was glad to share it with him)

8. Hearing the story of Victor Hugo and seeing it so beautifully acted out. I had no idea Victor and his wife had opened up their home for years each week to feed homeless and needy children. It was a touching story and made me appreciate the author all the more.

7. Hearing our guest artist Michael Maliakel sing "God Help the Outcast" (here) from the film "Hunchback of Notre Dame". It's a beautiful song in its own right, but listening to the lyrics as Michael sang them with such compassion was a really emotional experience. There are so many people in this world who feel like an outcast in so many ways, and I thought about them as I listened to this song each night.

God help the outcasts
Hungry from birth
Show them the mercy they don't find on Earth
God help my people
We look to you still
God help the outcasts or nobody will

I ask for nothing, I can get by
But I know so many less lucky than I
Please help my people
The poor and down trod
I thought we all were the children of God
God help the outcasts
Children of God

6. Listening to our guest artists Michael and Leslie talk about their lives and answer questions that choir members had for them (this was done before the concert on Saturday). They are both such good people and they expressed how grateful they were to be a part of the concert and to be treated with so much love and kindness while they've been here. 

5. Being asked by Wes to name my favorites songs. The question made me really think. Most of my favorites were ones being sung by Michael. So I picked two of his, and then I ended up picking one more that just the Choir did. I already mentioned one of Michael's above ("God Bless the Outcast"). Another one of my favorites from Michael was “I Wonder as I Wander”. It had significant meaning to me personally as I’ve done a lot of wondering while wandering through my pain this past year. That wondering has led to me feeling much more of Christ’s love and awareness. As far as the favorite song the Choir sang, I went with “Still, Still, Still”. As I was singing it Friday night, I really felt something. The words to that song are perfect.  And again, for me personally, singing that song reminds me of the need I have to be still and be present in the moment so that I can better recognize God’s love. (Honorable mention goes to “Angels From the Realms of Glory.” I know that’s one we sing every year, but there’s nothing like singing that last note and having the audience burst forth with applause! Quite the rush.)

4. Seeing the audience respond to our performance of "Ode to Joy". Wow. I can't remember a time during the past eight Christmas Concert performances where the audience gave us a standing ovation for a song (let alone a song performed in the middle of the concert). I can't say I loved learning it (we sing it in German), but it was definitely a crowd-pleaser!

3. Being able to talk with some of my buddies during the breaks and at dinner on Saturday evening (Wes, Patrick, Jason, Matt, Ben, Willy, Clark, Jay, Alan, Siope and others). Love these guys.

2. Making eye contact with several individuals (both adults and kids) as we made our way down the aisles during the processional. I could tell it made their day to receive a smile and be acknowledged.

1. Sitting next to a friend during some downtime we had. We didn't say a lot. We just needed to sit in the space we were in emotionally, together. He and I share a reality in which we feel like we don't quite fit in (for different--but in some ways, similar reasons) and it's always nice to know we're not alone.

And now, the Choir will take a much needed two-week break. 

See you all in 2024!

And until then, God be with you.

TCATS #476 - Of Lloyd Newell, the Busiest Week, and the Guest House

The choir experience started off with some sobering news: Lloyd Newell, the host of Music & the Spoken Word for 34 years now has been released from his service. I guess it wasn't too much of a shock because that's a LONG time to be serving in just one position. Still though... people all over the world associate him with this program and with providing words of wisdom, love, peace, and insight every Sunday. It's hard to really calculate all the ways he'll be missed. But, whoever does take his place will, I'm sure, do a great job and perhaps infuse new life into this role. I'm personally hoping we get a woman replacement--I think that would be cool. But we'll see. 

We had a lengthy rehearsal after the broadcast and after that was over and fulfilling my library duties, I got home about 12:45. On the way out today, they had handed us a FOUR-PAGE handout on all the things we need to know about this upcoming week, so I took some time to read through it. Lots of stuff to keep in mind. But most of it was typical instructions that have applied every year:  security issues, parking, where to go when, how to line up, what to bring and what not to bring, overall schedules, etc. 

We'll rehearse Tuesday and Wednesday--Wednesday being the day I love the most (seeing everything come together for the first time). And then our performances will be Thursday thru Saturday, with Sunday's MSW being one that will feature our special guests. It's a very long week, but an exciting one, and being to share it with 60,000 people (and more, when it's released next year on PBS) is a pretty awesome feeling. I'm also looking forward to the bonding that occurs with my fellow basses and friends when singing together songs of Christ.

On a different topic....

As the year starts to come to an end, I always get into "reflection mode" and try and examine where I am and where I want to be--and then how to get there. There's plenty that's happened this year that has taken me to the depths of pain, heartache, guilt, and despair. But in the midst of all of that is growth, perspective, and understanding--as well as increased empathy and compassion. I don't claim to be an expert in any of these things, but I'm grateful for the opportunity to gain a little more of them. They will serve me as I try and serve and help others in whatever path they are trodding along. 

All of this ties in with a poem that a good friend shared with me a few weeks ago. I was impressed by it and wanted to share it here. It's by Rumi:

THE GUEST HOUSE

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning, a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
Some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of your furniture.
Still, treat each guest honorably.
He may clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

As I look towards next year and all of the challenges and potential hardships, I need to stop and remember that there is much of life I can't control. My job is to live in the moment, embrace what I'm given--either by learning from it, enjoying it, being tested by it, or feeling pain from it. And have hope that all of these "unexpected (and expected) visitors" that come into my "house" can lead to a new delight. I don't know yet if I can be grateful for each such visitor, or welcome each with laughter or proactively let each of them in. But I can try knowing I'll be better in some way for doing it.

Until next time, God be with you.

TCATS #475 - Just Then

The morning is cold and dark.
The snow softly fell through the night,
Its blanket of white overridden by rain.
It is time. Time to go.

I pause before turning the key,
Already tired.
People are counting on me
So I start the car and begin my journey.

How will it all work out? I wonder.
Will the music lift me today?
Will I feel what I long to feel?
Will I uplift those who need me the most?

The melodies of Christmas rarely fail me.
But I never know.
My mood, my thoughts, my longings
Sometimes muffle the connection.

A warmth grows inside
As the lyrics for this one ring true.
This one, yes, this one
Feeds my soul.

Surrounded by people
I want to connect.
But even as I smile, react, and reply
I must choose instantly: real, mask, or stage?

I know I am loved, genuinely.
My protected heart tries to open
For all the good to come in.
It just doesn't know how.

The crowd stands and applauds.
Some have been truly touched.
Others are just polite.
The conductor's two thumbs up reflect a job well done.

We sing once more
A song just for them.
We connect, lock onto, and promise.
But will we really "meet again"?

Savor the moment, I'm told.
Soon it will all be over.
Yet that just makes me sad.
Look behind, look ahead, hold on.

I belong, but I don't.
I blend in, but stand out.
I want to stay, yet long to run.
I am embraced, but am pushed away.

As I leave, I talk to friends
Savoring the way they validate.
Little do they know
They help keep me alive.

I pause again before turning the key.
Feelings are jumbled, emotions mixed.
I just sang for the world.
But now that's over, and I must go back.

Back to the silent noise.

TCATS #474 - Christmas Broadcasts Commence!

With Thanksgiving come and gone, Music & the Spoken Word  will devote the next five broadcasts to celebrating the light, hope, joy, and magic of Christmas. We started things off right by having the Bells join us. And the seven songs shared today were...

Sussex Carol
English carol; Arr. Mack Wilberg

Whence Is That Goodly Fragrance Flowing?
French carol; Arr. Mack Wilberg

I Saw Three Ships (organ only)
English carol; Arr. Richard Elliott

Still, Still, Still
Austrian carol; Arr. Mack Wilberg

Carol of the Bells (bells only)
Ukrainian carol; Arr. Kevin McChesney

Noe! Noe!
French carol; Arr. Mack Wilberg

O Come All Ye Faithful
attr. John F. Wade; Arr. Mack Wilberg

It's really difficult to pick favorites when it comes to songs featured on these Christmas broadcasts. There are just so many good ones. For today though, I think the one I enjoyed singing the most was "Noe! Noe!" (take a listen HERE).  It's a very upbeat and joyful song and was one I just needed to hear today. (fun fact: the word "noe" is a latinization of the word "noel" which means birth of Christ or born on Christmas). 

After the broadcast, we went right into working on more Christmas songs for our upcoming concert. We still have two that we haven't even seen yet. And there's one new one today that we went through. 

The Christmas Concert seating chart came out this week and I will have the privilege of sitting next to Wes and Dave. I sat next to Wes last year for the Christmas Concert and feel grateful we get a round #2. Dave and I go way back to BYU Concert Choir days, so it's always fun to sit next to him, too. 

On a more contemplative note, I'm always thinking these days about my Choir experience and how long it will ultimately last. I have a lot of unresolved issues with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and I don't have a lot of hope that those issues will be resolved any time soon. In fact, they just seem to be growing. It creates sort of this incongruence problem as I try to put my whole heart and soul into the Choir experience while knowing the Choir and the Church are linked so tightly together. Fortunately for me I suppose, many of the songs we sing week to week are tied to the gospel of Jesus Christ itself--and not the institutional Church. Most of the gospel I can get behind  and truly believe in. But since the Choir represents the Church, it still makes it difficult. I don't know... I'm just trying to be honest and transparent here in letting you know it's a struggle. One that I don't know how to resolve and one that causes uncomfortable dissonance, often. 

We'll see where my journey takes me. 

OK. As I do every year, I wanted to give you some links to some great Christmas music resources. I hope you can incorporate these into your Christmas experience this year. Whether you're wanting a deeper relationship with Christ or wanting to re-live good memories of the past or just want to FEEL whatever uplifting/spiritual/sentimental/heart warming emotions Christmas music stirs up, I'm certain these resources can help. And let's face it. Songs on the radio like "Santa Baby" or "All I Want for Christmas Is You" may have their place in the secular celebration of Christmas, but there is more. 

Much more.

May you find what your soul needs during this Christmas season.

Until next time, God be with you. (Resources below)

 

Tabernacle Choir Christmas Playlists
(HERE (Spotify) and HERE (Apple))

Heartwarming Christmas videos (HERE)

TCATS #473 - Craig Jessop

Today's Choir experience was unique in three ways.

First, because of M. Russell Ballard's funeral on Friday, the stage area in the Tabernacle was transformed into more of a hierarchical podium which resulted in absolutely no room for the orchestra. As such, the songs we sang this week were accompanied by the organ (kudos to the organists who quickly adjusted and were able to make this work at a moment's notice!). 

Second, as luck would have it, I woke up this morning and my right front tooth's veneer had broken off. Which left me with just half a tooth! Let me tell you how excited I was to smile today--not! I think I was able to hide it fairly well but conversation with others was awkward as I tried not to say very much--and singing itself was challenging too because I wanted to keep my upper lip from going up too high on my face thus exposing my half tooth. Ug. I suppose the only good thing about it was that I became very grateful (very quickly) for teeth that look normal and realized how much confidence is tied to the ability to make facial expressions as needed without being embarrassed. 

Third, and most important, was that we had a guest conductor today, Brother Craig Jessop. Craig was the conductor of the Tabernacle Choir from 1999 to 2008. It was delight to be conducted by him today. He's a very kind and loving person who cares passionately about the music, but even more passionately about the people singing the music. He just seriously radiated love. At rehearsal Thursday night, he took some time to speak of his time as conductor and why he specifically chose the songs that we performed, today. During our rehearsal this morning, Mack shared his love of Craig and named a few significant things Craig did to help further the mission of the Choir during his tenure. He said that Dr. Jessop was a man of vision with talents to implement his visions which helped shape the Choir into what it is today. Anyway, I was very much uplifted by the whole experience (despite being self-conscious of my tooth issues). 

Craig Jessop

Our learning of Christmas music is in full-swing! As is the case every year, we have SO many pieces to become familiar with. This coming Sunday, we'll start work on a processional that will be part of the concert (I won't say more so as to keep the details a surprise). Learning that will take considerable time so we've been asked to spend as much outside time as possible learning the pieces and even memorizing the words to some since we won't always have access to the teleprompters.  Of course my favorite day in all of this preparation is the Tuesday and Wednesday of the actual concert week when we finally see all the parts and pieces come together. It's all very magical and a highlight of my overall Christmas experience.

Until next time, may God be with you.
 

While singing "Did You Think to Pray"

TCATS #472 - Back!

There's a well-known saying "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." And indeed, in the case of me taking an eight week break from the Tabernacle Choir, that saying turned out to be true. I have to admit that part of me was a bit sad during the break--mainly, I think, because I missed my Choir friends. But I have no regrets with my decision. 

It was needed. 

During my time off, amidst dealing with personal issues, I was able to think about the mission of the Choir and my role within that mission. And I came to the conclusion that even though I am struggling with a lot of things right now which sometimes influence my attitude, my devotion, and captious tendencies, I do have a love for the core gospel of Jesus Christ. So if nothing else, I can always remember that when I sing. 

Perhaps that is enough, for now.

Honestly, in any relationship, there's a give and take. And at this point in my life, I may need to take more from the choir then I'm giving back. I need my friendships. I need hugs and smiles. I need conversation that uplifts and sustains my hope. I need to feel part of something that has a worthwhile cause. I need to feel unity. And I need to be around people whom I can help. 

Speaking of helping others, the Lord was kind enough to give me some experiences and some opportunities to help others while I was away from Choir:

*Met with a friend who just wanted to hear more about my story and then ask for advice on how to combat loneliness. We had a good tearful discussion about that and he was grateful for the perspective.
*Met with a choir member who ended up coming out to me. He just needed a safe space to talk about the challenges he’s dealing with.
*I got a text from a loved one who said he wanted to call me and talk about some things he’s been dealing with.  He thanked me for sharing my coming out story many months ago and then said he struggles with his own sexual identity (he falls within the queer spectrum). He wanted some tips on how to move forward and it was a good discussion.
*Attended a Christ-centered LGBT conference (“GATHER”) and learned some things to help me in my journey. Met some good friends as well. One in particular said he had been praying to meet someone he could really talk to—as was glad I ended up being that person.
*Helped a loved one start therapy that has been a very positive experience for him.
*Have been helping my wife deal with some health issues and what was, at the time, a liver cancer scare (turned out it was benign).
*Got a text from another choir member who has been really kind and loving with my situation, but also was thankful for apparently giving him the courage to face some things he’s been needing to deal with.
*Was able to arrange a trip with my family to Puerto Vallarta and feel joy from seeing my kids have such a good time.

Have felt very grateful to be able to help.

As the Choir heads into the Christmas Concert prep season, I feel more motivated to do my part and learn well the songs we'll be sharing with the world. While this time of year is particularly hard for me in many ways, I always look forward to these Christmas Concerts as a time to just bask in all of the goodness that has come from Christ being born into this world. Whether you're religious or not, no one can really argue that the ideals Christ taught and stood for--such as loving others, being kind, seeking out the unfortunate and misunderstood, serving your neighbor, and seeking truth--aren't universally applicable to all women and men. It's also true that the world would be a better place if everyone personally invested in those ideals. The Christmas Concerts always give me a measure of hope that such ideals will be sought after more urgently by all. 

Before closing this post, I again want to thank all of those who have been so very kind and loving to me at this point in my life. I've felt overwhelmed with support. All of you who have sent texts, offered prayers, engaged in conversation, sent uplifting songs to listen to, given advice, and have just listened with love....THANK YOU.

You are the best humanity has to offer!

Until next time, God be with you.