There's a well-known saying "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." And indeed, in the case of me taking an eight week break from the Tabernacle Choir, that saying turned out to be true. I have to admit that part of me was a bit sad during the break--mainly, I think, because I missed my Choir friends. But I have no regrets with my decision.
It was needed.
During my time off, amidst dealing with personal issues, I was able to think about the mission of the Choir and my role within that mission. And I came to the conclusion that even though I am struggling with a lot of things right now which sometimes influence my attitude, my devotion, and captious tendencies, I do have a love for the core gospel of Jesus Christ. So if nothing else, I can always remember that when I sing.
Perhaps that is enough, for now.
Honestly, in any relationship, there's a give and take. And at this point in my life, I may need to take more from the choir then I'm giving back. I need my friendships. I need hugs and smiles. I need conversation that uplifts and sustains my hope. I need to feel part of something that has a worthwhile cause. I need to feel unity. And I need to be around people whom I can help.
Speaking of helping others, the Lord was kind enough to give me some experiences and some opportunities to help others while I was away from Choir:
*Met with a friend who just wanted to hear more about my story and then ask for advice on how to combat loneliness. We had a good tearful discussion about that and he was grateful for the perspective.
*Met with a choir member who ended up coming out to me. He just needed a safe space to talk about the challenges he’s dealing with.
*I got a text from a loved one who said he wanted to call me and talk about some things he’s been dealing with. He thanked me for sharing my coming out story many months ago and then said he struggles with his own sexual identity (he falls within the queer spectrum). He wanted some tips on how to move forward and it was a good discussion.
*Attended a Christ-centered LGBT conference (“GATHER”) and learned some things to help me in my journey. Met some good friends as well. One in particular said he had been praying to meet someone he could really talk to—as was glad I ended up being that person.
*Helped a loved one start therapy that has been a very positive experience for him.
*Have been helping my wife deal with some health issues and what was, at the time, a liver cancer scare (turned out it was benign).
*Got a text from another choir member who has been really kind and loving with my situation, but also was thankful for apparently giving him the courage to face some things he’s been needing to deal with.
*Was able to arrange a trip with my family to Puerto Vallarta and feel joy from seeing my kids have such a good time.
Have felt very grateful to be able to help.
As the Choir heads into the Christmas Concert prep season, I feel more motivated to do my part and learn well the songs we'll be sharing with the world. While this time of year is particularly hard for me in many ways, I always look forward to these Christmas Concerts as a time to just bask in all of the goodness that has come from Christ being born into this world. Whether you're religious or not, no one can really argue that the ideals Christ taught and stood for--such as loving others, being kind, seeking out the unfortunate and misunderstood, serving your neighbor, and seeking truth--aren't universally applicable to all women and men. It's also true that the world would be a better place if everyone personally invested in those ideals. The Christmas Concerts always give me a measure of hope that such ideals will be sought after more urgently by all.
Before closing this post, I again want to thank all of those who have been so very kind and loving to me at this point in my life. I've felt overwhelmed with support. All of you who have sent texts, offered prayers, engaged in conversation, sent uplifting songs to listen to, given advice, and have just listened with love....THANK YOU.
You are the best humanity has to offer!
Until next time, God be with you.
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