In my post last week, I mentioned how difficult things have been in returning to Choir. Mainly because the return was not at all what I had envisioned the return to be. The covid protocols have added, for me, a sense of isolation and oppressiveness to the experience. And while I know the Church has put all of these measures in place for safety purposes (and to emphasize to the public that we're taking every possible precaution), there are just a few things that logically don't make sense in my brain and continue to weigh on me. Just one example: one would think that if a person is vaccinated AND has just barely had a negative covid test minutes/hours before, that he/she wouldn't have to wear a mask around other people who are also vaccinated and just had a negative covid test. Right? And if we're singing without the mask (which is the time when we're breathing the hardest and spewing saliva particles to those around us), why would wearing the mask when we're just sitting there (and not breathing hard or spewing particles) be necessary?
But, I digress. I don't want this to be about covid. Because today I really tried hard to put all that aside and focus on other things. Which, by the way, made all the difference.
What "other things" you ask?
Well, for starters, I started talking to people despite the distancing and despite the masking. And it was good to talk to people. I've missed it. The last couple of rehearsals we've had, I pretty much kept to myself. But that made the isolation imposed by the mandated distancing and masks even worse. So today, I tried to smile at people with my eyes and at the very least, greet them with a "hello" or a "good to see you!" I had some good full on conversations with people during the breaks and during lunch, too. Part of the Choir experience I know and love is the social component. And if you take that away--that human connection we all need--the experience is severely degraded.
Another thing was focusing on the music itself of course. Soooo many words to get right today! My synaptic pathways in my brain were doing their best to recall what I had spent hours both in rehearsals and at home memorizing. I thought of the meaning of the words, too. Which is always important. If I think about them and internalize them, then when I sing them, I feel that internalization process somehow adds to the music and allows it to work its magic in people who are listening.
Yet another thing was focusing on the talks that were being given. That was a hit and miss experience. But there were some talks that truly spoke to my heart, and I appreciate the opportunity I had to feel the Spirit and subsequently have a desire to be a little bit better in various aspects of my life.
The last thing I felt made a difference was looking ahead. I don't know how long these covid protocols will be a part of our choir experience. But I cannot see them lasting forever. And looking forward to that day when we can just all come and do what we did before (and how we did it before) is something to happily anticipate. Don't get me wrong though. Although that day will come, we will never go back to how things exactly were before. That's because we've all changed. We appreciate things more. We've all had experiences these past 19 months that have shaped our beliefs, our perceptions, and our overall dedication.
But leaving behind the distancing, the masks, and the covid testing? Yeah, I definitely will not miss those things when they're gone.
Anyway. Overall the experience today was not great. But it was good. It was in the right direction.
Better than I thought it would be.
So I'll take it.
One last thing.
My heart goes out to those members of the Church who are deeply struggling with how the Church's leadership has handled the pandemic. Those struggles were not addressed specifically today in Conference and I know that was a disappointment to them. Hopefully the answers they seek and the peace they are desperately trying to find will come to them.
Until next time, God be with you.
PS: rehearsals with the entire Choir start up this coming Thursday and Music & the Spoken Word broadcasts will start up again very soon.
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