TCATS #467 - In the Rhythm

The Tabernacle Choir has been in a fairly steady rhythm lately in preparing for our weekly program on Sunday and also preparing for our upcoming tour. And while my attitude towards the Choir is always in this "up and down" pattern, I find myself in an upswing--which feels good of course. There are probably a number of reasons for that. 

First, having the new people join us always gives me a boost because I see their enthusiasm, I see how hard they work, how utterly grateful they are to be in the Choir, and how they see everything with a fresh perspective. It's all rather contagious. 

Second, we've been singing some great songs lately. Just today we sang "Fight the Good Fight, With All Thy Might", which is one that we've not sung during my 10-year tenure here. I first sung it in Concert Choir at BYU back in the 90s. But since then, it's one of those pieces that has stayed in the archive. And it was refreshing to bring it back. Love the words, the energy, and the way it's put together musically.

Third, despite how I struggle with mentally preparing for a tour and all the things that go with it, I'm actually excited to go. I have an awesome roommate (Wes), I have never been to Mexico City (though I have some good friends who live in Mexico), and it will be good to just get away and temporarily make space for this musical missionary event. Plus, it's fun to get to know other choir members on tour since we actually have more than a 20 minute break to talk!

Speaking of tour, the songs are coming together nicely. We have 19 songs we're learning/reviewing and about six of those or so are in Spanish--meaning they are either completely in Spanish or there are verses of the songs that are in Spanish. The Missionary Department of the Church has distributed over 140,000 cards (think business type cards for size) to the various missions in Mexico and missionaries will be handing out these cards to those they come in contact with, inviting them to tune in (via YouTube) to watch the concert live-streamed. It also provides them with a link to go to, where they can learn more about the Choir and the Church in general. Word is that the missionaries have been excited to receive them and utilize them in their efforts to build friendships and spread the good Word. 

Also speaking of tour, it's been very interesting (and, to be honest, a bit frustrating) to see how few details we've received about this upcoming tour. The detailed itinerary won't be released until June 6th--which is only a week from when we leave. (Keep in mind that with past tours, we'd get details months in advance). I can only surmise that this has to do with security. The less that the public knows as to our exact whereabouts and when we'll be certain places, etc., probably the more safe we'll be. I know that Mexico has had its share of media focus lately, and not in a great way. So I understand the precautions. That said, some of us like to take time to prepare for what's ahead of us by understanding the details. But anyway... I can't complain too much. I'm sure it'll all work out and we'll have a good/rewarding time. It'll be good to be with the Mexican people, to hear their beautiful language, and to sing songs that will hopefully uplift and inspire them.  

Until next time, may God be with you.

TCATS #466 - God's Personable Love

Since both my son and daughter had an award ceremony I wanted to attend last Thursday night, I ended up missing the Tabernacle Choir rehearsal--which of course made me ineligible to sing on Sunday's broadcast. So, when I went into the Tabernacle on Sunday, I took my place in the balcony with the rest of the other "ineligible" choir members. A couple of friends came over to me to see how I was doing, for which I was grateful for, and then the rehearsal started a few minutes later. 

As I half-participated in the rehearsal (it's hard to be fully engaged when you know you won't be performing), I just started to feel a little down. Things in life have been hard lately and sitting by myself with my mind wandering every which way made me a bit glum. I looked down in the choir seats to where I was supposed to be sitting and wished I was there for two reasons. First, it always helps me feel better when I'm surrounded by people--particularly when I know that a few of those people really care about me. And second, even though the songs we were singing weren't ones I really loved, the lyrics of them seemed to resonate with me and I knew those lyrics were going to resonate and effect others who tuned in to hear them, too.

At any rate, as I sat there watching the run-through, near the end I noticed that one of the basses was struggling with his balance. I saw my friend Wes, who stood next to him, steady him a bit and then as the program ended, the seating manager and some others helped him out of his seat and offstage where they could figure out more about his condition. 

I knew this created a vacancy that needed filling and I had every confidence that our seating manager would be able to shuffle people around to fill it. In fact, I didn't really think that much about it. 

The 20 min break started and I made my way down behind stage to visit with a few friends. After chatting with one, I made my way outside since Wes had just texted "Hey, come outside. You should suit up! We need you! Mark almost fainted and we need you to fill in."

I found Wes and he reiterated what he said in his text. The seating manager, Randy, happened to come outside at that very moment and Wes and I went up to him to see if he needed some help. He looked at me and asked how quickly I could get changed--since at this point there was only about 15 minutes left in the break! I told him I could do it, and as I turned around to start going, Wes smiled and said "RUN!"

Run I did. I bolted over to the Conference Center, making my way to the "bunker" where the men's changing area is and stopped mid-step realizing that I hadn't noticed exactly what the men were wearing! Usually there's a white board on the wall that tells us each week what suit and what tie to put on, but when I looked at it, the information had already changed to what we'd be wearing next week. Crud! With the seconds ticking by, I thought about calling Wes to ask. But it suddenly dawned on me that our weekly attire info was actually on an app that we started using awhile back. So I launched the app, clicked on the day, and there it was: Charcoal Suit and Red Kevlar tie.

Within two minutes, I was into the suit. I grabbed the tie and headed back over to Tabernacle. With a few minutes left, I arrived letting Wes know I was back and then headed in to find Randy to let him know I was ready to go. He was relieved to see me. Finding my seat, I sat down wiping sweat from my forehead and hoping I would get minimal camera time so people wouldn't see my glistening face. Haha. Wes sat down beside me all smiles and the guys around me thanked me for filling in last minute. That feeling of brotherhood was just what I needed.

The broadcast started. I glanced quickly back up at the balcony thinking how bizarre the last 20 minutes had been--how everything had changed. My gratitude replaced my sadness and I gave God a quick prayer of thanks.

As I sit here and write this entry, I reflect back on that experience and wonder "Did God cause all of that to happen just for me?"  My self-esteem issues want to render that line of reasoning as implausible, but just in case He did, it's quite a testament that God can start a chain of events --events that lead to one of His children receiving a personal witness that yes, he's loved. After all, our Heavenly Parents are Parents of love, are they not? And making sure we feel that is their primary objective. 

I also reflected on Wes's actions. If he had subscribed to the same line of reasoning that I had ("I'm sure Randy will take care of it--he's the seating guy and will figure it out"), things would have played out much differently. Instead, he saw an opportunity that he knew I'd benefit from, he advocated for it, and helped make it happen. 

What a good friend. :)

I don't mean to make all of this a bigger deal than it is. Someone could quickly sum this up by saying that I got to fill a vacant seat last minute and I was able to feel better. Yes, that is what happened. But it was more than that. It was feeling God's love--feeling like He cared. It was feeling friendship from someone looking out for me. It was a seating manager who could have re-arranged the seating (everyone on the end of each row move down one and then the basses on the top row move over one) but instead gave me an opportunity to help. 

I hope this week that we can all feel God's love for us in personal ways that only we can recognize. I hope a friend advocates for us--if only to help us feel thought-of and appreciated.
And I hope that we give others a chance to help us.

Until next time, God be with you.

P.S:  In reviewing the broadcast on YouTube last night, I had to laugh that not only was I on camera once, but four times--with two close-ups! I guess God does have a sense of humor.

P.S.S.: We rarely get to hear how our music affects others, but we got an email this morning letting us know about a few audience members who were so touched that they had tears streaming down their faces exclaiming "That is the most amazing thing I've ever seen!" 

 

From the 5/7 broadcast

 

TCATS #465 - Over the Rainbow

Last week, the new choir members (just recently graduated from Choir School) joined us for their first Music & the Spoken Word  broadcast. It was fun to feel their excitement and to know that all of their family members and friends would be tuning in--hoping to see a glimpse of them on camera. Many a-text would be sent to them afterwards with exclamations of "We saw you! Congratulations!" and those texts would undoubtedly include a picture taken of them as seen on TV. Unfortunately though, at the end of the broadcast, we were informed that there was an issue with the audio feed and the tech guys had to make the decision to cut over to a former recorded broadcast (of several years ago). It was super sad. All of their hard work to learn the music and all of the anticipation they'd be on camera and singing with all of their hearts to reach "the one" out there who needed to hear them...

The silver lining was Mack's decision to re-do the broadcast at a later date in May. 

With all of that said, today, then, was actually the "first" broadcast for the new people that was seen by those tuning in around the world. And it was a good program with a full house of in-person audience members. Mack gave them all glowing praise and admonished the rest of us to not only capture some of their excitement, but to display that excitement on camera.

I think the song that impacted me the most today was the classic "Over the Rainbow". For me, that song made me a bit melancholy and wishing that I could visit whatever's on the other side of the rainbow. Some might say "Well Ryan, there's really nothing on the other side of the rainbow--it's just the other side and you can see clearly what's there." Yes, well, that's true, technically. But I imagined the other side of the rainbow being a place that was just full of peace, love, and happiness--where everything was good and right and true. 

After the broadcast, we continued our prep for the upcoming tour--which is 47 days from now. I can't divulge our high-level itinerary as it's not been made public yet. However, I can say that we'll be having three concerts, a couple of sightseeing opportunities, and maybe a couple of service opportunities as well. I'm excited to be roommates with my friend Wes and am looking forward to talking more to other choir members in general, since we never really get much time to do that.

The only other thing I wanted to mention today was how nice it was to take our 20 min break OUTSIDE. The fresh, warmer air was heavenly and shooting the breeze with some of my buddies was nice. Despite all of the construction surrounding the Tabernacle grounds, it will still a beautiful moment.

Until next time, God be with you.

TCATS #464 - A Tidbit or Two.

I don't have too much to report on today even though it's been a few weeks since I last posted. General Conference, as well as the Easter-themed Music & the Spoken Word, have both come and gone and we're now looking ahead to our tour to Mexico City in June. While it's not been announced yet exactly what songs will comprise our tour repertoire, I suspect we'll be singing many of the same songs that were performed on previous tours. The two songs I know for sure will be included are the ones with movement: Ah El Novio!, and Betelehemu. Mack gave us directions on Thursday night to look over these two numbers so that we could start rehearsing them this coming week. I'll need to take some time to do that since the last time I performed those was in 2018. Along with those two songs, I'm sure we'll also include as many Spanish songs as we can (we have two learned, and perhaps a couple of others might be on their way). 

While I didn't stay for much of the "Release Program" today (the program each April where we say farewell to those leaving the Choir), I do have a few thoughts to share about this prevailing tradition. 

It struck me the other day as I was thinking about it that it's a bit odd that we have this tradition in the first place. There is no other calling in the entire Church that is attached to such a grand farewell. Cameras today were taking snapshots of each of the individuals within this "release group"; video cameras were focusing in on them as they sang their last Music & the Spoken Word; they were recognized by Lloyd Newell after the MSW program had concluded which generated about 30 seconds of clapping and a standing ovation; they were spotlighted in this Release Program following MSW in which those attending watched a short video of each of the releasees--videos that included thoughts and experiences about their choir experience overall; and they were given a plaque at the end of the program along with a photo shoot opportunity.  

I think about the Relief Society president who labors for years loving and serving and sacrificing for the sisters in her ward; I think of the teachers who prepare lessons every week, praying and pondering on their materials and delivering it to the members; I think of the bishop of a ward who serves for 4-6 years carrying such a heavy load as he cares for hundreds of people and their spiritual and temporal needs; I think of the stake president who usually serves upwards of 9 years, overseeing the thousands of people in his stake. And heck, let's not forget the nursery workers who are probably the real stars of the show! My point is, the only recognition these folks get at the end of their service is contained in the momentary act of members raising their hands to signify a "job well done!". That's it. 

So why should choir members receive so much more? 

It just doesn't make sense. At least to me. 

Ah well. A lot of things lately don't make sense. 

And until they do (or until next week), God be with you.

PS: my favorite song today that brought me a measure of much needed peace was "Hear Him". It's one of the things I'm trying to do better at it--hearing God, recognizing when He speaks to me, and understanding how best to move forward with personal revelation. You're invited to listen to that song yourself and receive. . .

TCATS #463 - Member Meeting Review

It was nice to have the BYU-Idaho Singers with us today as our guests on Music & the Spoken Word. They sang two numbers themselves ("When We Love", and "Unclouded Day") which I very much enjoyed, and they joined us in singing two of our pieces. Unfortunately, two of the songs we sang are ones that I really, really don't like to sing (and I'm not alone!).  One of those is a song we sing regularly: "I Think the World is Glorious". And you know what? I really do think the world is a glorious place. Just not when I sing that song. The sing-songy repetition just kills me. And some of the lyrics make some assumptions that I don't agree with. The other song is "He's Got the Whole World in His Hands." Again, does the song deliver a comforting message? Absolutely. But for some reason I just don't like the tune, and the repetition in the song is terribly annoying. Another reason I don't like the song is that in my opinion, it really should be titled "THEY'VE Got the Whole World in THEIR Hands." If we think that God the Father is the only one running the show, then we are failing to understand our own theology. We DO have a Heavenly Mother as well and I have no doubt whatsoever that She is more actively involved than we collectively give Her credit for. 

At any rate, shifting focus....

On Tuesday night, the Choir Presidency held the first Semi-annual Member Meeting of this year. There were several items discussed. One of those was our Mexico Tour in June (providing some additional details--including tickets now being free to our concerts) and the tentative tour schedule for the next three years. Since this is tentative and non-specific, I feel it OK to share here. Basically, during the next three years we'll be going to the Southwestern US, some Asian country, and two South American countries. We'll also be doing an additional domestic tour and an international tour. Tours will be in February and September of each year.

It was cool to find out, in particular, that'd we be going to Asia somewhere. I spent a couple of years in Japan and immediately thought how great it'd be to go back there with the Choir. But, who knows. It may be some other Asian country.

We also talked about progress being made in broadcasting MSW in Spanish and Portuguese. I believe the plans are for that to start in June. I'm excited for our Spanish and Portuguese viewers to see our weekly program in their native language (minus the music itself) and to see the various video footage they display on TV while we're singing songs be footage of native people. 

One other thing we talked about was the concept of how our musicianship will increase proportional to our discipleship. And vice versa. Both are important in this calling. I have work to do in both areas, to be honest, and hope that I can focus on those things that will help me be a better musician and a better Christian. 

Until next time, may God be with you.

"Together They Held the World In Its Place" by Caitlin Connolly

TCATS #462 - Conference Singers from Abroad!

I think I got more compliments about today's MSW broadcast than I have in a long time. Many loved the new hymn by Mack titled "Do You Love Me"; some enjoyed the last two "bigger" numbers ("Let Us All Press On", and "Come Thou Fount"); and some just felt peace throughout the whole program. It feels good to hear feedback and it feels good to contribute to something that helps others feel something positive. 

I'll keep this short as I didn't have too much for today's post. But of note, the individuals from around the world who will be joining the Choir to sing in the upcoming sessions of General Conference, arrived recently. Eight or so of them were there today and after watching MSW, they came up and joined us in the loft to practice Conference music. I kind of had to shake my head though while they were sitting out on the front row of the audience benches (as the Choir was rehearsing). It was like the paparazzi had descended upon!  All of the Choir leaders shook their hands and engaged in conversation while there were those taking photos and videoing them from various angles. The reason I was shaking my head is because in the bi-monthly Choir newsletter we received last week, it instructed us to do the following in regards to these international guest Choir members:

1. Feel encouraged to befriend and get to know them (without interrupting rehearsal, of course). Be
mindful of social cues in your interactions. We want them to feel welcome but don't wish to make
them feel interrogated or on display. [This clearly did not happen. Not only did Mack have to turn around and quiet all of those involved in welcoming the group, but the guest choir members themselves certainly must have felt like they were on display with all of the attention, picture taking, and videoing.]

2. Please refrain from over glamorizing or idealizing them. [Hmmm. Well, whether they felt over-glamorized today or not, I guess we'll never know for sure. But it's certainly possible.]

At any rate, it IS pretty cool to have them here. I don't know their names or what countries they come from, and I'm not sure I'll get to meet them all personally, but there's no doubt they'll uniquely contribute to the musical goodness of General Conference. Apparently they will each be formally introduced to us this coming Thursday so I may be able to give you all some additional details, later.

The only other tidbit I wanted to include today is that this coming Tuesday is our semi-annual member meeting and the majority of that meeting will focus on the upcoming Mexico City tour, as well as tours for the rest of this year and the next three years. Looking forward to knowing more about this shift from the traditional way that the Choir has toured in the past. More details in my post next week.

Make it a good week my friends. And borrowing from one of the today's songs, let us all press on!

Until next time, God be with you.

TCATS #461 - Conference - My Reality

[NOTE: My last post painted the picture of a reimagined General Conference experience–an experience that I’ve continued to hope for and wish for over the past few years. In mentioning this to my therapist recently, he brought up the concept of Radical Acceptance. This concept is defined as “the ability to accept situations that are outside of your control without judging them, which in turn reduces the suffering that is caused by them.” Note that lack of judgment does not mean agreeing with or approving of the situation. It’s just accepting reality for what it is and not becoming negatively affected by that reality. So… as I endeavor to do this in regards to General Conference, I’ve been given some homework. And that homework involves rewriting my recent post and describing General Conference in realistic terms. In theory, this will help me inch a little closer to radical acceptance of my General Conference experience.]

It is April 1, 2023. I enter the Conference Center stage area and take my place in the loft well before the conference actually begins. The platform area where the Orchestra at Temple Square is normally situated for rehearsals and performances has been replaced by cascading rows of plush velvet seats. In front of each of these seats is a monitor screen so that the Seventy and other officers of the Church will easily be able to see whatever the multiple broadcasting cameras are focused on. I let out a small sigh, not understanding why the members of the Seventy have to be up on the stand at all. It’s not as if the cameras actually focus in on these brethren–which means that the larger audience watching conference remotely never really gets to see their faces or know who they are anyway. So why do they occupy this precious space? My mind wrestles with the dissonance. Having the Orchestra be able to participate in Conference would add such richness and beauty to the otherwise lone Conference instrument–the organ. 

 

But I need to accept the fact that this will not change. It is what it is. It’s outside of my control and it’s taking energy away from things I can control. Maybe I can envision the Orchestra with us even when they’re not. Maybe I can appreciate the spirit of Orchestra members and feel their prayers that the Choir will do its best to fulfill the mission of Conference even when they, themselves, can’t actively help with that fulfillment. Maybe I can partially sing for them–to somehow give voice to their silence. 

 

With all of the music for conference memorized, there is no music in front of me to review. However, I do get sad about the fact that the music selected for Conference comes mostly from a “Conference collection” of pieces that are cycled through every so often. It’s true that we don’t sing the same songs every conference, but there are repeats, and the songs are mostly hymns from our 1984 hymn book (typically arranged by our directors). There are also selections from the Primary song book, a few from Janice Kapp Perry, and once in a while, a newly written piece that has that traditional hymn “look and feel”. Once again, I think about the very large repertoire of songs the Choir sings week to week on Music & the Spoken Word and wonder for the hundredth time why we can’t expand our General Conference horizons and sing some of those songs. They are uplifting! They testify of Christ and of gospel themes and principles. The argument has been made that performing some of these songs at Conference would cost the Church money because of the royalties involved. But if that were true, wouldn’t we have to pay royalties for Music & the Spoken Word? Also, say we did have to pay royalties. Wouldn’t it be worth it for the Church to pay them? Wouldn’t that be money well spent? Isn’t praising God through music worth the price?

 

OK. Again Ryan, we need to get past this. Very narrow music selection for Conference will not change. I cannot change it. It’s outside of my control and it’s taking energy away from things I can control. And what can I control when it comes to what we’re singing? Well, maybe I have zero say in what we’re singing, but I do have a say in focusing on the people–maybe even “the one”--who will be listening to these traditional songs. The words to these songs are still uplifting. They still inspire. They still help people feel peace. So if I think of these people who are listening while I sing, and focus on the words inspiring them, then I can better let go of my desire for more diverse Conference music and use that energy for faith and hope that those I’m singing to will feel something. Something good. Something that will take away their weariness, their hardships, their woundedness, if only for a few minutes. 

 

As I sit there in my seat still pondering the music, I turn my attention to the reality of Conference sessions being long, unengaging, and unvaried. Talk, talk, music. Talk, talk, talk, music. Talk, talk, music. The format is just so hard for me. In addition to the format, is what’s in the talks themselves. Are there good things that uplift and inspire? Most certainly. Are there also things that cause hurt, frustration, and disconnectedness? Yes. And then there’s the fact that there’s no better place to see patriarchy on display, than at Conference. Yes, I appreciate talks by the brethren. Of course I do. I’m inspired by, and learn from them. But women give great talks too. And while there are a few women who usually speak at Conference, they are far outnumbered by the men. Could not the wives of the apostles speak? Could not women who sit on the general boards of the Relief Society and YW organizations speak? And how about just women who are on the “front lines” trying to do their best in living a life led by Jesus Christ? How refreshing would that be?

 

But this will not change. The effects of patriarchy will continue. Women will not be equally represented. The dry format of Conference, devoid of any multi-media or other creative, attention-focusing enhancements will persist (despite what’s referenced in the new Church manual “Teaching in the Savior’s Way that includes this teaching tip:  “Varying your teaching methods will help you meet diverse needs.”). Talks will continue to be given that cause pain to the marginalized and those living on the inside of the edge.  These facts are outside of my control and they are taking energy away from things I can control. I’ll choose to put my energy into being more thankful for the women we do get to hear from. What can I learn from them? How do their words teach and inspire me? Are there talks that LDS women have given at different events that I could look up and read? I’ll also choose to give grace to myself when I need to tune-out –knowing I can always read the talks later if they are too triggering or too sleep-inducing (given how many there are). Additionally, whenever I hear “Heavenly Father” or “God” referenced, I’ll make an on-the-fly mental adjustment substituting these references with “Heavenly Parents”. For surely we have a loving Heavenly Mother who is active and involved. What does it say in the Church’s Family Proclamation: “Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children [and] are obligated to help one another as equal partners.” If Heavenly Mother is an equal partner to our Heavenly Father, surely she should be referenced and acknowledged more for Her important role in our lives. Lastly, I’ll seek out the great multimedia resources the Church produces and let them impact me in inspirational ways outside of Conference.

 

OK. I think I’m ready. When I do walk into the Conference Center on April 1st, I’m going to accept the “Conference reality” as it is. I’m going to let go of the frustration that comes from wishing and longing and instead, I’ll intentionally choose to focus on what I can control. Instead of just knowing that General Conference won’t change, I am now accepting that it won’t. Does this mean that my mind won’t occasionally get bothered by what I see and what I wish could change? No. I’m human. I come up short. I falter and sometimes downright fail. But I’ve thought carefully (and documented in this blog) about alternate/positive ways to use my energy during General Conference and I plan to quickly turn my attention to those ways whenever my mortal failings of wishing and longing descend upon me.

 

I’m hoping this makes all the difference. 

And to be honest, I think it already has.