Journey Behind the Notes: TCATS #487 - Worked Until it Didn't

I'm going to save my tribute to Wes until next Sunday seeing as how that will be the official day he leaves the Choir. That said, for some reason my emotions didn't want to join my tribute and wait until next Sunday.

Instead, they showed up during this past Thursday night's rehearsal.

It's true that there were several things on Thursday--during the day--that caused my tear ducts to get warmed up. Part of that had to do with where I'm at in life. The other part came from watching a tv series that depicted a lot of teens going through some really hard things in life. I easily get sad when I see or hear about all of the difficult things people have to endure. Sometimes I even tear up when I'm out and about (particularly at Walmart) as I see the wear and tare of life reflected on the faces of many people.

But I digress.

I went to Thursday night's rehearsal feeling OK. My tears had stopped from previous events and I was looking forward to sitting next to Wes and engaging with the music. That worked until it didn't. About 2/3rds of the way through, I just started imagining Choir without my Choir best friend and it went downhill from there. My mouth got all quivery (as it does) so I couldn't sing and my tears started up again. Even though I tried to push it all away, it wouldn't go away. Wes tried helping me out the best he could, but it almost made it worse because it was just one more thing I was going to miss (his continual efforts to help me feel better about whatever is going on in my life). By the end of the rehearsal, I was ready to go home.

I walked to the music lockers with him and he gave me a hug and then we started walking to the outside door. He had to stay after to get a little video taken (which they do for all of those being released from the Choir) so I just started for the door but he pulled me back and gave me another hug as my tears just kept coming. UG! I don't mind being an emotional person, but sometimes it's entirely inconvenient! As I walked to my car trying to hide my face from others around me, I got to the car and just sobbed until Willy and Ben came (it had been my turn to drive our carpool).

After getting home, I had no more tears left. The day had taken its toll. Wes was nice enough to send a follow-up text expressing hope that I'd be OK. Indeed I will be OK. Life is full of just being OK, isn't it? If YOU are one of the lucky ones who actually has more net positive days than hard ones, well, good for you. Sometimes I wish I were you.

At any rate, the broadcast today went well. Things were all pretty positive and I just tried to enjoy the experience. During the break, Wes, Patrick, and Matt and I walked around the Temple Square grounds enjoying the beautiful weather and the beautiful flowers. Wes had several people come up to him sharing their well-wishes (which was probably a result of Mack having all of the members who were leaving stand up in rehearsal today to be recognized). We took a few pics and then went back in to perform for the world.

After the performance was over, we just sat there. Wes looked over at me with a smile and said "Yeah, I know". To which I said "yeah, it's weird." Referring of course to the fact that he has one Music & the Spoken Word left. Ever. He's done about 175 of them, give or take, and now he is down to just one more.

Change. I know it's part of the natural order of things and is tied into the rhythm of life. But man! It's hard.

Until next time, God be with you.