Before expressing some feelings about where I'm at with Choir, I wanted to share three reasons why today's performance was significant.
First, it was almost two years from today since the Tabernacle Choir performed in the actual Tabernacle. And I must say, it was nice to be back in our "home". The Conference Center has its perks, but I'd take the Tabernacle any day.
Second, it was the first time that Music & the Spoken Word had a shortened introduction. 30 seconds shorter, to be exact. It was funny because a couple of months ago as I was watching an episode of MSW, I actually remember thinking that the intro was a bit long because Lloyd Newell had oodles of time to announce all he needed to announce, with plenty of time left over. Anyway, a good change.
Third, it was announced Thursday night that masks were now OPTIONAL!! And THAT, my friends, was the best music my ears heard all night. I'll refrain from making any comments on the timing of this (which seemed to coincide nicely with the trustworthy CDC reswizling their data points and measuring methods--all suspiciously right before the State of the Union address... But wait, I digress!) Walking into Choir this morning without a mask and seeing everyone's faces was a treat.
Oh, and I suppose there could be a fourth reason why today's performance was significant. After our performance, Mack said "Thank you. It could not have gone any better."
Let me tell you, there's no higher praise that can come from Mack Wilberg.
As for how I felt today.
Hmm.
It's always so complicated these days.
I think it will all take some time. For me, unmasking was a significant step in my healing process. So over the course of the next few weeks, I think I'll feel happier to be there and more able to fulfill my calling. Part of me felt guilty today for being there at all. I happened to sit in front of a brother who kept saying (at least five times) "It's so good to be with you brethren." or "This music is absolutely beautiful. It's such an honor to sing it with you." or "Aren't we so blessed to have this opportunity."
Don't get me wrong. I was grateful for his comments. But while I'm trying really hard to feel the same way, I'm not quite there yet.
There was a moment during the rehearsal that I actually felt that comforting "tingly" feeling that I sometimes get when the Spirit is testifying of something true. It didn't last long. I was hoping to hold on to it for longer, but just as soon as it came, it was gone.
I felt gratitude when my friend Ryan offered to help me with my music library duties. He's a good friend and I appreciated his help today since my normal library partner was out.
I don't know...I still feel some measure of sadness, of resentment, and confusion about a lot of different things. But perhaps time and prayer will help that.
At any rate, if you tuned in to watch/listen to today's performance, thank you. And a special shout out to both my new friend in Ohio (who left some very helpful comments last week) and to my wife--who continues to support and encourage and give me space as I navigate the complexities of this Choir experience.
Until next time, God be with you.
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