TCATS #401 - Winding the Clock

Wind-up clocks, just like wind-up music boxes or toys, have the potential to be wound too much. There's this sometimes hard to figure out "sweet spot" of winding just enough so that the device runs at peak efficiency, but not over-winding it--which can lead to device failure (and it needing repair). Most people who observe a wind-up clock might not even know it runs by someone needing to wind it. They just look at the clock and not only appreciate that it tells the time, but they expect it to tell the time and to tell it accurately.

I feel sort of like a wind-up clock. 

I feel like all of these covid protocols that I'll be complying with first-hand this coming Thursday night for my first rehearsal will either be just enough or they'll be too much. 

I think there comes a point when restrictions and protocols make things feel so "tight" that you can no longer enjoy what you hope to enjoy or feel what you hope to feel. And just like there are different winding mechanisms, each with different winding limitations, so each person has different levels of emotional capacities and limitations in a potentially over-wound environment. 

I don't know how Thursday night will go. I've envisioned how it will mechanically go, but I don't know how it will emotionally go. But, I've committed to singing in the upcoming General Conference (Sunday session) and will do my best to memorize the music, to pray for a good experience, and to follow the seven-layer covid protocol (which was actually officially released to the public to know about). If after doing that though, I've discovered that the Tabernacle Choir singing experience is not what I personally need it to be in my life right now, then I'll likely apply for an official excused leave until society has learned to live with Covid--just like it lives with other viruses, illnesses, and health-impacting risks. 

That all said, I will hope for the best and will go into this experience with an optimistic attitude. The part I need to play right now is to memorize. So just as I've been doing that this past week, I will continue to do it from now until October 3rd.  

After that?

I will analyze how it went, how I felt, and if I was able to effectively contribute legitimate and authentic hope and peace while I sang. 

If I wasn't able to do THAT, then I'll need to initiate a self-imposed pause until such time as I can contribute again in meaningful and expected ways.

Until next time, God be with you.