I'd like to think I'm generally a very kind person. And I think I am. At least, that's what people say about me. But I've come to realize that often there's an adverb attached to my version of kind that I'm not so proud of.
Selectively.
There were a few things that happened both at Thursday's rehearsal and Sunday's broadcast that caused me to think very critically of some individuals. There were even other people around me that felt the same way. And when you hear of people agreeing with you, there's a sense of justification that creeps in which seems to make it all OK. I mean, if so many people think a certain way, and I think that same way, then my opinions and feelings have been validated and I should just move on.
(Incidentally, I realized with some irony, that the Spoken Word today was on....you guessed it. KINDNESS. How's that for a slap in the face! God certainly must have a sense of humor.)
At any rate, I'm still working through these "justifiable" unkind feelings and I realize that such a process can take time. But I think going through the process is worth it. After all, harboring unkind feelings does absolutely nothing for the individuals who are at the center of the unkindness. They have NO IDEA I'm thinking those things. But I know. And those feelings do nothing but hurt me. So I will work to resolve because it's the right thing to do.
There was one pretty cool thing that happened today. One of my best friends in the choir, Ryan Bateman, usually sits about three or four rows behind me. Which means that we never sit together for anything. What's interesting is that I used to sit next to him all the time back during my first couple of years when I was on those farther-to-the-back rows. But then I was moved down and our sitting next to each other days were over. Today, though, due to various people missing and the way things worked out, Ryan got to sit right next to me.
It was a happy day.
Ryan leaves the choir soon. We're the same age, but he's been in for 20 years--having started his choir journey quite young. So I'm glad we had a little reunion today and in all reality, it will probably be the last.
But we'll be optimistic. :)
Until next time, God be with you.
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| Ryan and Ryan |
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| Singing "How Excellent Thy Name" today |
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