TCATS #317 - Strong, Positive, Hopeful

The title of this week's blog post comes from today's message from Music & the Spoken Word (see below). I use it because I wasn't able to attend choir this week and because the message itself both includes and expresses much of what I went through and felt these past few days.

It all started on Tuesday with my wife indicating that her chest and right side were hurting. As time went on, we realized that it wasn't something that was going to go away or something we could ignore. So, after a couple of initial doctor visits (we were hoping to avoid the ER) and an ultrasound, it was determined that she most likely needed her gall bladder removed. We were told to schedule a surgery consult and then get onto the surgery schedule. As my wife's pain continued to increase, I did this right away but was frustrated to find out that a consult couldn't be scheduled for two weeks! I called another hospital and got it down to one week. But it was clear my wife wouldn't be able to last that long. So calling the first hospital back and pleading my case as a desperate husband, a little miracle occurred and we got an appointment for the next day. 

Unfortunately, the "angry" gall bladder was not wanting to wait even until the next day. I've never seen my wife in such pain. So, in a last ditch effort to avoid the ER, we went to the clinic again on Wednesday to see if the doctor could talk to the surgery folks for us and just get us onto the schedule. But alas, she said she did not have that authority.

Arriving at the ER around 5:15 or so, we were told it would be at least a 2-3 hour wait. They did the initial "triage" within the hour, but then we went back to wait on the chairs in the ER lobby for a bed to open up. The minutes felt like hours and I can honestly say the experience was one of the worst of my life. My wife was in immense pain and in tears much of the time and there wasn't a single thing I could do about it. All of the other people in the ER just made things worse: a young father wheeling in his wife on a wheelchair--his wife doubled over and crying in pain; a guy who couldn't even explain to the front desk why he was there because he couldn't stop sobbing; several in masks coughing and hacking; a guy who was suicidal; and the list went on. So many in severe pain and they couldn't get any help. After 4+ hours of hell, we were finally escorted back to where Jenn was finally able to get some pain killers and a CAT scan to confirm the gall bladder issues. Because of the amount of surgeries scheduled and the higher number of trauma patients that were coming in and needing surgery, we were told we'd have to wait for surgery until an OR opened up. 

We waited and waited, the time moving from Wednesday to Thursday, being told it could be at any time. Amidst the crescendo of frustration, credit goes to my wife who finally just said we needed to turn all of this over to God and just submit to His will. As we had that conversation, I realized she was right. That it was time to let the negativity and frustration and anger leave, and replace those emotions with hope, with strength, and with a positive outlook. There were things to be thankful for, not the least of which was the myriad of friends and family who were texting and calling and showing love and concern. There were also great nurses and a friendly staff who showed genuine interest in making sure Jenn was taken care of. We had a prayer, we read scriptures, and things definitely took a turn for the better. 

At 8:30 Thursday evening, we finally were told Jenn was going in for surgery. After I kissed her goodbye as they wheeled her away, I went to the waiting room which, interestingly enough, was completely empty. Just me, my thoughts, my prayers, and being able to respond to texts of support that "coincidentally" came right at that moment.  

While the surgery didn't go perfectly, it went pretty well and Jenn embarked on her road to healing. We came home Saturday and I'll be privileged to help her take this next week to get better. Looking back on everything, was I justified in being frustrated and bitter and angry at a health care system that seems to be broken on multiple levels? I think so. Will I be submitting my constructive feedback to the hospital about things that can be improved? Absolutely. But as the Spoken Word points out, it's better in the end to be positive and hopeful that God will provide peace amidst the chaos, sweet amidst the bitter, and love to replace the anger. And in the end, isn't that "less traveled" path the better one to take?

Until next time, may God be with you.
 

 The Spoken Word, 2/2/20
 
"Most of the time, life is pretty wonderful. The world around us is filled with beauty. We are surrounded by people who care about us. And we wonder how life could be any better.

But then there are other times when life seems overwhelming and gloomy, and those happier days are a distant memory. At those times the best thing to do—maybe the only thing to do—is hold on to hope. Not just wishful thinking. Not even mere positive thinking. But robust, fearless hope. This kind of hope is not for the faint of heart. It demands courage to believe, strength to carry on, and the resolve to not give up. If our hope is to get us through the truly dark days, through life’s real storms, it must be anchored to something stronger than we are, something deeper than what we see around us. Hope has power as we focus on everlasting things, on eternal principles, on trust in God.

Most of life’s darkness and dreariness is temporary. Things tend to work out in the end. Gordon B. Hinckley was known for these reassuring words: “It isn’t as bad as you sometimes think it is. It all works out. Don’t worry. I say that to myself every morning. It will all work out. … Put your trust in God, and move forward with faith and confidence in the future. The Lord will not forsake [you].”1 He is the reason for our hope.

Not long ago, a man learned that he needed a major operation to preserve his health. As he faced this sobering news, three words came to his mind over and over again: strong, positive, hopeful. Although he was concerned about the operation and his recovery, the man determined to go to the hospital with those three words in his mind and heart. In the months of recovery that followed, he repeated those three words as a kind of motto to live by: Strong. Positive. Hopeful.

As he did, he found strength within himself he didn’t know he had. He found that positive things happened every day that he could be thankful for. And he found that there was reason to hope that things would improve and work out for the best. Life wasn’t always easy, but he saw that it was pretty wonderful."

TCATS #316 - Remembering

If I'm honest (and I truly strive to be), I'd have to say that Choir has been a struggle for me for the past few weeks. 

It's been difficult to find the excitement. 

It's been easy to become cynical. 

It's been challenging to bring life and light into some of the songs we're singing.

It's been hard not to let out a long sigh in anticipation of going through yet another rehearsal full of the exact same feedback we get week after week. 

It's hard not to let the little things bother me and become annoyed at various things that are usually a part of every choir experience. Sometimes I even look at my watch Thursday nights and think "What? We have over an hour to go?" 

Yes, I know what you're thinking. Or at least what some of you are thinking. That I need to take a deep breath, readjust my perspective, and truly realize how many people would absolutely LOVE to take my spot in the Choir. But you know what? Sometimes it just doesn't work. I try and try and try and I don't make much headway. 

I still feel, in my heart, and when I pray about it, that I should stay in this truly grand calling for the unforeseeable future. I still have a work to do. I still have people to influence. Basically, God's not done with me being in the Choir....yet. So because I know and feel these things, I'm left with the task of trying even harder to get the love of this calling back. I've had that love for years and years, only occasionally needing to stave off the complexities of complacency. But now as I start year 7, the complacency battle has reached a new level. I need to attack it from multiple angles and it's going to take a lot of work. 

I've come to realize that the one thing that helps me the most in this battle is REMEMBERING. Remembering how I felt in year #1. Remembering the magic of each song and how I felt when I sang each of them for the first time. Remembering that people around the world are counting on me (which I believe is true). Remembering that there is growth and there are opportunities to improve with repetition. Remembering that I am far, far from perfect and to apply constructive criticism from my directors directly to me. Remembering those times that certain songs have touched me so deeply that I can't imagine my life or my testimony without them. Remembering that at least half of a good attitude is tied to gratitude. 

So. That is my plan. To remember. And if anyone would like to join me on my "Remembering Journey", I'd love to have you along.

Until next time, God be with you.

TCATS #315 - It's the Little Things

In preparing for today's broadcast, I was reminded of how important simple words or small phrases of words can be. This was because even though many of the songs we sung contained several verses and choruses of repetition, remembering the first few words of each of those verses were key in singing the songs accurately. For example, in the first piece, "Down by the Riverside", the key phrases were "Lay down my sword and shield", "Put on my travelin' shoes", "Put on my long white robe", and "Put on my starry crown." If you remembered those, you were almost set with the singing the rest of the song. For "Peace Like a River", it was just "faith", "hope", and "love". ("I've got faith like a river, I've got faith like a river...."  switching to "I've got hope like a river, I've got hope like a river...", etc). For "I'm Runnin' On", the phrases were "Ain't you glad," "Pressin' on", and "Won't turn back." 

The point is, singing these songs by memory became much easier (at least for me) as I just focused on remembering the small and simple "key words". Which illustrates an important principle in life: it's often the little things that mean the most!

From a religious point of view, this can easily be seen by faithful church followers reading the scriptures for a few minutes every day, or taking just a couple of hours to go to church each week, or taking a few minutes to ponder and pray each day. Those who do these things can testify that they make a big difference in being able to resist temptation and adhere to the way of life they are trying hard to live. 

From a simple humanity point of view, a smile, a "hello", sending an unexpected text of appreciation, holding the door open for someone, or simply treating each other with kindness and respect can go a long way in lifting the level of happiness in people. Much of life is filled with routines of repetition--like the songs we sang today. But what can make all the difference in more easily going about that day of routine is to interject the "little things". Little things that will inspire, uplift, and bring greater satisfaction for all involved.

My hope is that we don't discount the little things and have faith they'll make a difference.

Because indeed they will.

Until next time, God be with you. 

TCATS #314 - Calm Before the Storm

January is traditionally a "down" time for the Tabernacle Choir, and January 2020 has been no different. It's nice, really, to just go to rehearsal Thursday nights, prepare for Music and the Spoken Word on Sunday, and get to go home a bit early! It's simple. Even today's broadcast would, in my opinion, fall into the "simple" category. The songs we sang really weren't hard to sing (yes, they took practice, but they were all pretty familiar) and the whole experience just seemed to flow like honey.

Of course our director is telling us to really enjoy this time because the rest of the year will be back to normal (i.e. crazy busy) starting in February. And in looking at our calendar, he's absolutely right. There is an event to two I can't announce yet, but the ones that have been announced include an ACDA performance, an Easter Concert (singing "The Messiah" again), a special General Conference as announced by President Nelson, and a tour to get ready for in June. All of these events will take considerable effort to prepare for and extra rehearsals will start up in earnest very soon.

As we were about to sing God Be With You to our audience today, I scanned the individuals who had come to the Conference Center to see us and tried to figure out WHO to sing to. This is sort of my weekly routine I do. It's easier to do it in the Tabernacle because the people are closer and I can see faces and I get more promptings. But I found a guy who was sitting near the back, alone, and felt to sing to him. So I did. It's kind of funny, really, what goes on in my head when I sing to each of these people. I think that one day I'll get to meet them. One day in heaven, maybe, when all is said and done. I'll get to meet this rather large group of people, each one having attended at least one Music & the Spoken Word broadcasts, each one having been sung to. Chances are very high they don't even know they were sung too! But that would be cool, nonetheless.  

Until next time, God be with you. 

TCATS #313 - The Cycle Begins Again

Thursday night as Ben, Willy and I rode into the Conference Center for rehearsal, we planned on a few extra minutes needed to get our music from our music lockers at the Tabernacle. Normally we take the underground tunnel from the two buildings, but we were told that the tunnel would be closed starting Jan 2nd, and we'd need to travel above ground. So we did that. Then at rehearsal, President Jarrett stood and told us that the tunnel was actually still accessible! So we all took the tunnel back after rehearsal was over, glad to be out of the cold of the night. 

As I was getting my music, one of the choir leaders was giving all of the new choir members a tour of the various facilities underneath the Tabernacle. Signs were posted on how to get into their lockers, and instruction was being giving on various other things that they needed to know. As I looked into their eager, excited eyes, I felt very happy for them. And a bit envious too. Envy because I remember how exciting it all WAS! Am I still excited to be a choir member? Absolutely, but it's a different kind of excitement.  The new-ness, the "what's around the corner", the meeting of new people, the figuring out how things work, the realization of millions of people seeing me on camera....all of that is not a big thing anymore. And I genuinely miss it. 

That said, while the new people are starting their Tabernacle Chorale experience in preparation to join the Choir in May, the rest of us did the first broadcast of the year, today, and were told on Thursday about how busy this year would be for us. I had already known it would be busy looking at our advanced calendar for 2020. But as Mack reiterated that fact verbally, I realized more fully just how busy it would all be. Particularly with an ACDA concert and the tour coming up.

Thankful to be part of it all and as I thus begin my 7th year with this organization, I'm excited for the continued adventures I'll get to be a part of. 

Until next time, God be with you.

TCATS #312 - By the Numbers! 2019

Numbers never tell the whole story. There's always so much more behind them. But they do tell one side of the story and each year I like to compile them and see how things turned out. I do this partly because a find it interesting, and partly because my friend Siope (See-oh-pay)--who has become our unofficial choir statistician--produces a pictogram each year to show the numbers in a fun and interesting way and consults with me in doing that. Anyway, without further ado, here's how things ended up. Hope each of you have a fun closing-out of 2019 and are looking forward to the adventures that 2020 will bring. 

Until next time, God be with you!

(Click to enlarge)

Stats below are duplicated above, just in a different format. The above pictogram is more complete.

Broadcasts: 52

Events: 13 (Easter Concert, April Conference, Tanner Gift of Music Concert, Pioneer Day Concert, Sissel Recording Project, Mini-Concert for US Governor's Association, Recording Session #2, Mini-Concert for UN Civil Society, President Nelson's Birthday Concert, October General Conference, Temple President Seminar, First Presidency Devotional, Christmas Concert)

Number of Songs Sung: 384 (multiple instances of concerts only counted once)

Most Sung Song: 7-way tie--> How Firm a Foundation, Love Divine All Loves Excelling, America the Beautiful, America the Dream Goes On, Press Forward Saints, Guide Us O Thou Great Jehovah, I Think the World is Glorious (four times each)

Most Worn Tie: Red Snowflake (7 times) and Yellow (7 times)

Least Worn Tie: Hypno (1)

Most Worn Suit: Charcoal, Black and Blue all tied (14 times each)

Least Worn Suit: Blue Blazer (8) (not counting Creme coat or Tux)

Most Worn Dress: Blue (12)

Least Worn Dress: Black (4)

Number of Extra Rehearsals: 40!

Albums Released: 2 (Let Us All Press On, Angels Among Us)

TCATS #311 - Sick

Friday morning, I woke up with a scratchy throat.

The first thought I had (thinking the throat issue would lead to a cold) was "How am I going to sing with my son for our family talent show this coming Monday?"
The second thought I had was "What am I going to do about Sunday morning with the Tabernacle Choir? Should I go and observe the broadcast, staying away from people? Should I go and try and sing if I felt up to it? (sometimes God does miraculous things for singers who are supposed to sing) Or should I just stay home."
My third thought, thinking more long-term, was "What about Christmas and my daughter's wedding next week!"

For my first thought, I pinned down my son after he got home from school and told him we needed to record the song--right then and there. That way, if I really was getting a cold and my voice was shot on Monday, we'd still have something to share at the talent show. Thankfully our recording turned out pretty well ("When Your Feet Don't Touch the Ground", from the musical FINDING NEVERLAND), despite my tendency to get emotional--which I always do when I hear or sing that song.

For my second thought, as Saturday night came and I was out with my wife doing a little shopping, the decision became clear given the state of my nose and my voice: I'd need to stay home.

I texted my carpool and a few others and gave them the news. 
Reply texts came back:
"I'll be praying for you!"
"Bummer Ryan! Feel better soon."
"I'll sing extra for you tomorrow."

Then I went to bed hoping a miracle would occur overnight.

Well, that didn't happen. If anything, the cold was worse (the only good part about it being worse was that it validated my decision to stay home). So, after my family left for church, I turned on Music & the Spoken Word and enjoyed the last Christmas episode of the year, bundled up on the couch wishing I was at the Conference Center feeling healthy and singing. But, it WAS sort of nice to be on the couch, and it was definitely fun to feel the Christmas spirit while seeing my fellow choir friends giving their best. 

As for my third thought... well, the jury is still out.  
I'll keep my faith and hope high.

Until next time, God be with you.

PS: tune in next week for some very interesting year-end choir statistics!