TCATS #347 - Letting In

During much of this pandemic, I've consciously chosen to shut off the emotional connection I have to the Tabernacle Choir music itself--a connection I used to both thrive upon and count on to lift me up. The reason for severing that connection stemmed from an instinctive need to protect myself. A protection against the pain and disappointment of not being able to sing with the Choir right now. I thought that if I really let everything in--let the music envelop me--I'd just end up in a puddle of tears.

That said, I have been watching Music & the Spoken Word every Sunday morning. It seems an odd thing to do for someone wanting to distance themselves from the music. But I think watching the broadcast helps maintain a different kind of connection that I actually want to keep--a connection to the Choir itself that reminds me it still exists and I'm still a part of it. What's tricky is watching the broadcast while keeping my heart closed. I've been successful at doing that, until today. 

But backing up just a bit to earlier this week. I was in my car and feeling a bit low and was trying to think what would lift my spirits. My mind wandered to Choir since it was Thursday night (normal rehearsal night) and I finally thought "What the heck...I'm just going to listen to Tab Choir music and let me emotions go where they go!"  

So I did. 

And little by little my heart opened up.  I even started singing along and remembering how it felt to perform.  I thought about the lyrics I was singing and how applicable they were. And even though the pain came too, it was overshadowed by the joy and hope contained in the music. Tears flooded my eyes and I realized that this music I had originally performed for others, was also for me, too. Letting it all in had been the right call.

As I pondered on all of this later, feeling grateful for the experience, a part of me continued to feel  really ashamed that any one thing (like the choir) was so integral to my happiness. But in all honestly, I think my missing it so much has been amplified by the reality we're currently living in. One where we are all social distanced from each other; where connections have been broken; where uncertainty abounds; where political strife dominates; and where it's hard to hold onto things. 

In the end, I concluded that it was OK to miss choir. So what if I miss it a lot? God has put it into my life for multiple reasons, and while uplifting others through my service is one of them, another one is to uplift me. I need it right now. And in the absence of rehearsing and performing, at least I have plenty of music to listen to--plenty of music to let in. 

So as I watched and listened to the broadcast this morning, I took down my defenses and envisioned myself back at the Tabernacle, sitting next to Ben and Wes (who I was actually standing by today), and singing beautiful music. I let the emotions back in and I didn't let go. And it was great.

Until next time, God be with you.

TCATS #346 - It's a Wrap!

Usually when I know that the end of the year is only weeks away, I compile all of my choir stats and assist Siope (fellow choir member and friend) in double-checking the information he's added to his pictograph. The pictograph highlights what the choir's done throughout the year and has become a fun tradition to look forward to. 

Well, it's the end of the year....already.

At least for the Choir.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints announced Friday that all remaining live events for the Tabernacle Choir that were scheduled for 2020 have been cancelled. Including the beloved Christmas Concert. So just like that, the choir year has ended already. The choir "train" that is typically a non-stop train that rarely even slows down not only came to a screeching halt in March, but has now been sent to the railyard where it will sit until recommissioned sometime in 2021. I guess.

None of this is a surprise really. But there's a saying "It's not over until it's over" which carries with it some hope. And it was that hope we were all holding onto. No longer though.

The other thing I was thinking about this week, choir-related, was the 2021 tour. My family and I are planning a big family trip the summer of 2021 because my son will be home from his mission to Albania/Kosovo finally and two of my kids have never really experienced Disneyland. But since we can't take that vacation anytime in June or August due to various things going on, that leaves the end of July, which is too soon after the tour is over (it would be hard to take three weeks off of work and then go back for one week, only to leave again the week after). So I just don't know if I can go. Then again, if there's no vaccine yet, the 2021 tour may just turn into a nice "if only" thought.

That's it my friends. 

Until next time, God be with you.

TCATS #345 - Tour Roster, Take 2

The tour roster for the now 2021 tour was posted this week. Members of the choir and orchestra were able to see if they had been selected to participate and were also able to see if their (optional) guest was selected to come along, too. Normally there's be a bit more buzz and excitement about the posting, but a lot of that buzz usually takes place in-person when we're meeting for rehearsal and since we're not meeting right now, the buzz was a bit lost. Plus, I think at least some of us were (are) wondering where we'll be next year in regards to the coronavirus-- and if the countries we're planning to visit (seven of them) who are currently very excited to have us will let us in to perform next June/July. One would think that by then we'd have a vaccine and things would be back to somewhat "normal" status. But who knows. If we've learned anything during this pandemic, it's that we can't really count on anything. 

The other thing of note this week is that in our weekly newsletter, Mack gave us a full page's worth of thoughts (which, up to this point, he hasn't done). I don't have the OK to post his words here, but in summary, he just wanted to thank us for our past performances (which are blessing the lives of many as they are being seen and heard by more people than ever before) and tell us that our best days are still to come. I appreciate the hope he shared as sometimes it seems like this pandemic will never end. 

That's really about it for this week. Short and sweet I guess. 

Until next time, God be with you.

TCATS #344 - New Kids on the Block

To set the record straight, I was never a fan of the 80s boy band New Kids on the Block. Just had to make that perfectly clear before jumping into this post. :-)  However, their name is a fitting title for today's speculative subject.

When the Tabernacle Choir shut down normal rehearsals and performances back in March, the "new kids" (those who had just joined the Choir in January and were going through Choir School) were just about to perform their concert and finally join the Tabernacle Choir as full-fledged members. Obviously that never happened. As such, the new kids have never actually rehearsed or performed with the Choir yet. AND, if we're not able to meet the rest of 2020, they will have missed out on their first year entirely. 

Keeping that in mind, the Choir presidency decided to go ahead and hold auditions this year which means we'd expect a whole new set of new kids to start Choir School in January of 2021. Assuming of course, that come January, COVID-related singing restrictions won't still be in place. 

Having two sets of new kids puts the choir in an interesting predicament which brings with it a whole slew of things to ponder:

*Will those who were set to have 2020 be their last year in the choir (either because they had reached 20 years or they turned 60) be allowed to stay through all of 2021? Holding auditions to bring in new people for 2021 would seem to answer that question as "no".

*Will the 2020 new kids be eligible to go on tour for 2021? Typically those who just joined the Choir aren't eligible for tour if the tour takes place in the same year they joined. But since we haven't been able to rehearse all year, perhaps they won't be eligible until the 2022 tour (or will it be the 2023 tour)?

*Will the 2020 new kids get to do their concert that never was, or will they just join the 2021 new kids for theirs? If the 2020 new kids go through the 2021 Choir School (which is standard protocol--each choir member does two rounds of Choir School), they will have gone through two rounds of Choir school right in a row. 

*Will the 2020 new kids get to join the Choir for the Messiah Concert scheduled for Spring of 2021? I suppose that would depend on when the Choir resumes normal operations.

No doubt the Choir Presidency is mulling over all of these things and will do their best to make the best decisions possible. Of course, the biggest determining factor is when, exactly, we'll be able to start things up again. Recent studies have shown what it takes to keep choir members safe while they sing, and various middle schools and high schools across the country are looking to adopt those standards so that choir classes can be held. Such safety protocols are the same ones we're all used to: wearing a mask, standing apart, operating in a well ventilated area (or outside), etc. These may work OK for schools who are actually letting kids come back to school in the fall, especially because schools can probably accommodate such safety protocols (though they certainly aren't ideal for choral singing). But such protocols seem unlikely to work for the mega-sized Tabernacle Choir. A much-anticipated vaccine would really help normal operations to resume quite quickly, but there are just about as many questions about that as there are for the new kid scenarios already spoken of. How quickly would the vaccine be available? Who gets it first when it does become available? What if some Choir members prefer not to take the vaccine? 

Sigh. The inordinate number of variables and questions continue.

In the meantime, we move forward with our lives, enjoy the blessings and opportunities we have, and hope for better days ahead. 

Until next time, may God be with you.

TCATS #343 - Means to a Better End

An interesting article was published by the Deseret News this past week titled "Will There Be a Tabernacle Choir at Temple Square Christmas Concert This Year?"

As I saw that title, I had the very same question! Haha. So I clicked the link to read more.

The short answer to that question is "they still don't know." (I know you're just as surprised by that as I was) Meaning, of course, that they don't know yet whether or not the Christmas Concert will be of the traditional sort. You know, the ones where there's an actual live choir singing and an orchestra playing and the bells ringing and dancers dancing and a guest artist dazzling and another guest artist narrating.

The other short answer provided by the Choir's general manager Scott Barrick was "We have options, and the choir will not disappoint."

Hmmm--sounds intriguing. The choir, along with everyone else who makes watching the concert a tradition each year, will just have to wait and see which short answer comes into play. If I were a guessing man, I'd probably say that those "other options" might end up being invoked given the realities of COVID-19 fear. But who knows God's timetable with the pandemic. I have no doubt that if He wanted a traditional Christmas Concert to happen, He'd make a way for it to happen.

Much of the article talked about all of the increased exposure the Choir is getting at this time. Apparently viewership is up three times what it normally is! Much of that is, as the article points out, due to church members making Music & the Spoken Word part of their at-home worship service. Which makes sense. While I'd wager to say that most people who watch the choir (including all of the people who normally didn't, but now do) prefer live performances over reruns, I'm glad that viewership has tripled and that reruns continue to further the choir's mission. And who knows? Maybe when things get back to "normal", those who have recently discovered the Choir--as well as those who knew about the Choir but have started watching and listening to it more--will continue to do so and make it an integral part of how they worship, how they receive hope, and how they connect with heaven. And if THAT happens, perhaps this long choir break will have been worth it.

Until next time, God be with you.

TCATS #342 - Perspective Reboot

There's some irony in the fact that for the first three months of this year, I was actually struggling internally to fully appreciate the Tabernacle Choir and maintain my enthusiasm to sing with the choir each week. I guess you could say I was in need of a serious attitude adjustment, a fresh perspective, and a complete reboot. Things had become typical and usual. Rehearsals had become tiresome with my eyes wandering to my watch, often, to see how much time we had left. As we performed song A, B, and C for the umpteenth time, it was a serious chore to keep my head and heart in the right place. I still enjoyed the social aspects of seeing many fellow singers who I had come to love and appreciate, but if I had to hear "Basses! You've GOT to sing higher." one more time, I thought I was going to lose it!

I think the past four+ months have given me my needed reboot. 
In fact, I know they have, haha. 

How comes it takes not having something for awhile to really appreciate it? 

I was reminded of this concept as my wife and I and some friends of ours went hiking this past Thursday. The drive up to the trailhead was beautiful as we wound our way through Little Cottonwood Canyon. While watching the car's external thermostat drop from 80s to 70s, and then to the 60s with clouds swirling in the sky, we wondered how this hike was going to turn out. But after waiting in the car about 15 minutes for the rain to finish, we got out and started up the trail. My eyes began immediately enjoying the beauty all around us. Tall pine trees, fields of wildflowers of every color, huge rock formations, little creeks and streams, and finally at the end, a small "hidden" lake with water so clear you could see the lake's floor. I just wanted to stay there for a long time and feast upon all I was seeing and smelling and feeling. Just a short hour or so before, my mind had been on all of the problems of the world, the continuing sad news of the pandemic, the political strife, and the cries of suffering from so many. But now, with a change of location and Mother Nature sharing her jewels with me, I felt renewed and restored. And I realized just how much I had missed being out in the middle of God's beautiful creations. I mean, the hike my wife and I had taken two weeks ago began that realization process for me. But this hike up to Cecret Lake had magnified and completed it. 

As I watched the recent streamed broadcast of "Music for a Summer Evening" today, I carefully and hesitantly thought about that day when all of us choir members would be able to return. Being able to actually do that was a big deal for me because for the past many weeks, I haven't allowed my mind to go there. It was too difficult to think about. It got me too sad. But just for a minute or two, I put myself back into the choir "routine"--riding into the Tabernacle with my carpool friends and discussing each other's lives and upcoming performances; walking to my music locker to get my music; greeting other choir members with smiles (and hopefully, still, some hugs); coming into the loft, finding my seat, and getting out my music; listening to announcements and an opening prayer; and then getting underway with rehearsing. I think no matter what songs we sing on that first day back, we'll all probably end up crying buckets of tears out of that joy we feel to be back doing something we love. 

And I dare say I won't care anymore that I've sung a song 15 or 20 times! I'll just be glad to finally be singing and fulfilling the mission of the Choir again. All with a fresh perspective and an attitude reboot-- provided by the longest hiatus the choir has ever taken.

Yes, it's true that sometimes we need things to be taken away before we can really appreciate them again. But that said, I invite all of us to be grateful for what we still have in our lives right now. Because there's a lot if we really look.

Until next time, God be with you.

TCATS #341 - The Art of Being Positive

Day 124
Throughout this period of time as the Tabernacle Choir hasn't been able to sing, I've been amazed at the positivity and faith of some of the choir members. I know that not all choir members are on social media and that with every public post, there's likely a private "post" or inward hope that's being expressed by these individuals in some other way. But from the postings I've seen, I appreciate the positive expressions being made that help to quietly combat the more prevalent noise.

Out of respect to the fact that our FB choir group is private, I won't add any names to these expressions I'll share. I share them, however, because they testify that even though there are many reasons for us to be "down" over not being able to sing, there are plenty of people who are mastering the art of being positive. Here are ten of their comments.

"The recording of Come Thou Fount in today’s broadcast was the last song on the last broadcast we sang back in March. Seeing it again at the end of today’s broadcast seemed to bring everything full circle and gave me a strange feeling of closure and perspective.
Even though this pandemic is far from over, the Lord has brought us this far and He’ll see us through the rest."

"I felt a new perspective that it’s not over but God is in all the details and everything has a purpose. I sure miss my calling and all of you that I have the privilege of serving with."

"Seeing the new logo on old performances gave the Spirit a chance to witness [to me] that the Choir's mission is far from over."

"Just finished watching the 90th Annive​rsa​ry p​rog​ram. I spent a lot of it ​reading the comments f​rom people a​round the wo​rld, sha​ring thei​r love fo​r the Choi​r o​rganization.  One comment seemed to sum it all up fo​r me:  'I have the feeling we are all starved for the community of the Saints. It’s just so uplifting to be in each others company even this way.'  Even though we a​ren't togethe​r physically tonight, we a​re togethe​r - sha​ring ou​r testimonies to the wo​rld."

"Let’s PRAY with all our might that we can get back together soon!! (Not that we’re not praying already) I miss you all so much. I miss making sweet music together!"

"I’ve been thinking. It seemed so ironic at first that we wouldn’t be there for the 90-year anniversary [concert]. But now I think differently. Just like the music in General Conference showcasing past recordings (and thus, lots of past Choir members), they’ll be able to do the same thing with this concert to an even larger extent than if we were performing live. As it should be. It’s almost like it was meant to be! #silverlinings"

"This morning my husband played our “Peace Like a River” recording. I was filled with gratitude for the Savior and for the blessing it has been and will be again to sing with this beautiful group. l look forward to praising the Lord with all of you wonderful people again!"

"Soon we will be back together and appreciating this special mission more than ever." 

"Sometimes I picture what it will be like singing together again under Mack's direction and that we will reunite and sound better than we ever have sounded. We will be more focused than ever and grateful to have the privilege to worship together, thru song again! All Mack will need to do is stand up there and look at us and we will know what we need to do! We will be united in mind and heart. Bound. I miss our time together, so much! I miss Mack’s brilliant way of unifying us. I know if it’s Gods will, it’s not over. We will be back together stronger and more unified than ever before!"

"I was really moved by the Spoken Word that Lloyd gave. It really touched me and felt so relevant and inspired with what we're experiencing right now.  I just listened to it again, and thought I would type it up and share it with all of you in case you haven't heard it or would like to keep it for your record:
“A legacy is not a possession left behind as an heirloom or antique to be preserved. A legacy is living tradition passed down from generation to generation. And so it is with our singing here tonight. From lush green glens, to alpine meadows, from the village church, to the prairie school, we come singing. And long after our pleasant tones fade away the pulse and melody of life go on. This is the legacy we celebrate this evening, a joy in singing and becoming one in song. May this way of living never end, may this way of loving resound forever.” 










Regardless of what each of us is going through, may we all look for ways to be positive and express that positivity. I have no doubt there are plenty of people in our sphere of influence who would latch onto those expressions and be thankful for them.
 
Until next time, God be with you.