There were several times this week in which my kids engaged me in various conversations. Most of these happened later at night when the day was near done and I was really tired. For some of these conversations, I was able to pull myself out of my fatigue-induced cloudy indifference and be a true participant. For some though, the conversations were one-sided as I half listened and piped up only occasionally with a lame "uh-huh" or "yeah" or "oh, interesting". I always feel bad about those experiences because I feel like I failed at one of my primary responsibilities and opportunities--being "all in" when my kids are wanting to share and engage and truly be heard.
Being all in is certainly not limited to parents listening to kids. It's an important concept for all of us to master, regardless of the activity we're engaged in. I suspect that each of us could identify at least one thing over the past month that we only gave a partial effort to. And while we are not perfect and certainly have limitations, being all in is a goal worthy of our striving efforts to obtain.
There is some very deep irony in the fact that months before the pandemic hit, I was not all in when it came to the Tabernacle Choir. I was taking it for granted, getting a little impatient with how rehearsals were going, and oft times looked at my watch more than once just eager for it to be over.
Do you think I wish that I would have been all in for those months leading up to the Choir being shut down?
Absolutely.
This long pause, though, has brought a perspective change. And it's one that I'm determined to keep. While I can't promise that I'll be all in, all of the time, I'm going to do my best. Not just for me, but for the overall mission of the Choir. Don't you think that people watching or listening to the Choir will be more uplifted and encourage and inspired if the choir members themselves are all in? I sure think so. Working hard, memorizing the music, humbly rehearsing, showing enthusiasm, striving to be more like Christ, and feeling love towards our fellow brothers and sisters is what being "all in" looks like to me. And as soon as this pause is over, that's what I'm going to try and do.
Until next time, God be with you.