TCATS #418 - High Praise #2 + Just Plain Weird

It was a pretty good week in Tabernacle Choir land.

And even though Thursday's rehearsal started off with some very triggering/frustrating moments--which didn't set a very great tone for the rest of evening--focusing on the music itself and thinking about why exactly I was there, really helped.

Today's Music & the Spoken Word went very well and for the 2nd time in my Tabernacle Choir career, I heard Mack say at the conclusion of the program, "It couldn't have gone better." Mack has been very happy about our performances lately--particularly with seeing our eyes and faces more now that we've been utilizing the teleprompter and have little need to look down at our music. While there are downsides to the teleprompter which I've already talked about previously, it certainly does allow our countenances to more fully share our testimonies of Christ.

My favorite song of the day was the first one and the last one. The first one was "All Creatures of Our God and King" and it gave me all the feels. I particularly honed in on the lyric "Ye light of evening find a voice." Why that lyric, you ask? Well for me, it's symbolic of those who may not have a really bright light to share, but find a way to share it anyway in meaningful and significant ways.

The last song was a new one called "Lift Up Your Hearts", which was originally arranged by Mack for a specific out-of-state choir. The members of that choir were listening in this morning knowing that that we'd be performing that song. So it was kind of fun to envision them all tuning in. 

We did have a live audience this morning of maybe 100 people or so. Always great to have someone we can actually see as we perform! I think most of us in the Choir were expecting to finally sing our signature closing piece "God Be With You" after the program was over. But then, something just plain weird happened.

With no warning, Mack said "OK, we're now going to sing the happy birthday song to KSL" and then proceeded to quickly sing it for us just so there'd be no question as to how it was supposed to go. So we just launched into singing happy birthday to KSL (a local TV/radio station) right after we had just ended MSW on such a spiritual note. The whole time I was thinking, "So we traded what could have been a very impactful song for the audience for what felt like some commercial?"

It didn't stop there though. 

Following our happy birthday singing, Mack announced we needed to speak the words....oh shoot! I now forget what they were! Something like "Thanks for all you do Mark". That wasn't it, but it was something random like that--for a person we didn't know (at least I didn't). After THAT, the audience started filing out and we continued with our extra rehearsal.

Sometimes the Choir does do weird stuff--and it's been awhile since we have. So I guess we were due.

At any rate, in closing I wanted to mention some nice things people said to me today. Steve, on my left, showed genuine concern and asked how my eye was doing. Later, Jay, on my right, said I have facial expressions while I sing that he thought were great (my wife always says that too--so kudos to her as well). Wes gave me a fist bump and said he was glad to see me today. And Ben and Willy thanked me for driving. 

Sometimes it's the little things that have the biggest impact.

Until next time, God be with you.

TCATS #417 - Back to Normal*

Due to a bad eye infection this past week, I chose not to participate in choir. So I don't have a lot to say about the actual choir experience this time. However, I did want to share a few thoughts I had which aren't too terribly related, but perhaps worth sharing anyway.

The first relates to our renewed efforts to be more intentional missionaries (which is one of the new directives of the Choir). One way I can do that is to promote recent streaming playlists that have been created--which give listeners new opportunities to listen to the music of the Choir with certain themes in mind. The official Choir blog mentioned it awhile back, but I wanted to highlight it myself and point you to the latest playlist created on Spotify called "Meditate with the Tabernacle Choir". You can bring up that playlist by clicking HERE. While I have not gotten into a great habit yet of mediating daily, I do recognize the value of meditation. And this playlist (which promises "calm and relaxing songs") can be one of the tools you can use to achieve your meditation goals. Each month the Choir will create a new themed playlist, so be sure and click on the "Follow" button at the Choir's Spotify home page to be notified of when new playlists and overall new content are published. 

Switching to another topic....

A friend in the choir texted me minutes after the rehearsal started Thursday night to say that we would no longer have to be covid tested each time we came to the Tabernacle to rehearse or perform. So that was happy news. With testing gone and masks gone, I suppose the choir experience is returning to "normal" at long last.

A part of me though wants to cry out "But wait! Does someone want to acknowledge mistakes that were made? The pain that was caused? The emotional turmoil inflicted? How about mentioning the subset of choir/orchestra/bells individuals who still can't be with us to share their light and their testimony because they chose to do what they felt was right in abstaining from vaccination? What about them? While the choir carries on, they continue to hurt and live with a level of frustration that few can relate to. What about the people who felt backed into a corner to get vaxxed/boosted and who are still working to resolve bitter feelings they have? Simply moving on after a 20 second announcement is a very unrealistic thing to expect of them. Yes, is there a need to take up the cross and secure our hands firmly on the tether of forgiveness? Absolutely. Being a Christian demands that of us. But it's not easy.  It takes time. It takes faith. And a lot of prayer."

I get it. Most people (and choir members) are ready to leave the pandemic far behind them. And while I really don't want to talk about it anymore myself and instead focus on helping heal people throughout the world through music (as we all need healing for one reason or another), I reserve the right to still bring up the topic most people have moved on from in an effort to help me and help others arrive at a place they long to be.

So bear with me, please.

Until next time, God be with you. 

TCATS #416 - An Historic Three

Before expressing some feelings about where I'm at with Choir, I wanted to share three reasons why today's performance was significant.

First, it was almost two years from today since the Tabernacle Choir performed in the actual Tabernacle. And I must say, it was nice to be back in our "home". The Conference Center has its perks, but I'd take the Tabernacle any day. 

Second, it was the first time that Music & the Spoken Word had a shortened introduction. 30 seconds shorter, to be exact. It was funny because a couple of months ago as I was watching an episode of MSW, I actually remember thinking that the intro was a bit long because Lloyd Newell had oodles of time to announce all he needed to announce, with plenty of time left over. Anyway, a good change.

Third, it was announced Thursday night that masks were now OPTIONAL!! And THAT, my friends, was the best music my ears heard all night. I'll refrain from making any comments on the timing of this (which seemed to coincide nicely with the trustworthy CDC reswizling their data points and measuring methods--all suspiciously right before the State of the Union address... But wait, I digress!) Walking into Choir this morning without a mask and seeing everyone's faces was a treat.

Oh, and I suppose there could be a fourth reason why today's performance was significant. After our performance, Mack said "Thank you. It could not have gone any better." 
Let me tell you, there's no higher praise that can come from Mack Wilberg.

As for how I felt today. 

Hmm.

It's always so complicated these days.

I think it will all take some time. For me, unmasking was a significant step in my healing process. So over the course of the next few weeks, I think I'll feel happier to be there and more able to fulfill my calling. Part of me felt guilty today for being there at all. I happened to sit in front of a brother who kept saying (at least five times) "It's so good to be with you brethren." or "This music is absolutely beautiful. It's such an honor to sing it with you." or "Aren't we so blessed to have this opportunity."

Don't get me wrong. I was grateful for his comments. But while I'm trying really hard to feel the same way, I'm not quite there yet.

There was a moment during the rehearsal that I actually felt that comforting "tingly" feeling that I sometimes get when the Spirit is testifying of something true. It didn't last long. I was hoping to hold on to it for longer, but just as soon as it came, it was gone. 

I felt gratitude when my friend Ryan offered to help me with my music library duties. He's a good friend and I appreciated his help today since my normal library partner was out.

I don't know...I still feel some measure of sadness, of resentment, and confusion about a lot of different things. But perhaps time and prayer will help that.

At any rate, if you tuned in to watch/listen to today's performance, thank you. And a special shout out to both my new friend in Ohio (who left some very helpful comments last week) and to my wife--who continues to support and encourage and give me space as I navigate the complexities of this Choir experience.

Until next time, God be with you.

TCATS #415 - Returning, Take 2

I had a few thoughts I wanted to share with all of you with as much honesty and transparency as I can muster. 

First, we're headed back this coming Thursday, March 3rd, to start rehearsing again. We'll also be resuming our weekly Sunday program Music & the Spoken Word and will be preparing for our Church's General Conference to commence the first week of April. While I always enjoy the opportunity to sing, returning to sing with the Tabernacle Choir has been quite an arduous decision for me. 

It's been no secret that all of the Covid protocols we've had to follow in order to start singing again have taken their toll on me emotionally. Many of those protocols are ones that I haven't personally agreed with and there have been some that have put me into a bubbling lava pool of cognitive dissonance. As much as I've tried to focus on the music itself and sharing my testimony through song, my mind has had a hard time finding that focus--let alone maintaining it. I've really really tried. But it just hasn't worked very well. 

When the Choir presidency announced a few weeks ago that we'd have to receive the Covid booster shot to come back and start singing again, I was really upset. For two main reasons. One, when my wife got her booster shot several months ago, it caused several side-effects that were very concerning. Heart palpitations, panic attacks, internal vibrations, and depression, to name the main ones. Doctors we saw didn't have any explanations and worse, didn't know how to best treat any of the symptoms she was experiencing. Fortunately her health has improved as of late and she's done a really great job of learning how to manage the symptoms that persist. But as you can probably imagine, after seeing all of this and going through these trials with my wife, I of myself was not anxious to get the booster in the least! Second, I truly felt in my heart of hearts that I did not NEED the booster. And for a Church that strongly believes in agency, I felt a bit like I was being held hostage, with coercion being the game I did not want to play. 

After some long wrestles with God, after talking in-depth with my wife, after spending a few hours walking around the temple, after weighing pros and cons, and after trying my best to clear my mind and heart and "hear HIM", I came to the conclusion that I should proceed with getting the booster--that God still wanted me in the Choir for some reason and He'd offer the help I needed. 

So, I followed that conclusion with its accompanying assurances and tried not to look back.

Some days I do better at that than others.

At any rate, I'm going to try and ignore the feelings I get from the excessive testing, wearing the (IMO) unnecessary masks, and following the counsel to distance, and again work hard to just focus on the music itself. If somebody out there needs to hear my testimony of Christ through music, then I want to be there for that person. And perhaps if I try and envision that person out there, somewhere, who will resonate uniquely with my personality, my strengths, my weaknesses, my beliefs, my challenges, my fears--everything that makes me, me, then maybe I can be more successful in blocking out the disappointment, the confusion, and the dissonance. 

Hopefully.

That all said, and switching topics, the other Choir news as of late came by way of some new initiatives the Choir presidency announced--and which I'm sure you've all read about. While I'm conceptually grateful for what changes these initiatives will bring (particularly the global/diversity focus), I don't have much more to say on them because no real details have been announced. In other words, for now we'll continue doing what we've always done and as the months go by, actual changes in what we do or how we do it, will be implemented (with commentary on them provided by yours truly). 

Sigh.

OK. I think that's all I have for you today. Take good care of yourselves and take good care of each other. And until next time, God be with you.

TCATS #414 - Status

It's been awhile since I've reported on the "journey behind the notes" of my Tabernacle Choir experience so I thought I'd just provide a short update.

While the original plan back in December was to resume normal Choir operations the first week of January, the Choir leadership thought it best to go back into hiding while the Omicron surge took the media headlines by storm. The current plan, which aligns with mainstream predictions by even Dr. Fauci himself,  is to wait for that surge's case count to peak and then drop off (mid to late Feb) before returning to sing. At this point in time, the date pinned to that return is March 10th.

Between now and then, an "All-Hands" virtual meeting is set to commence on Feb 17th. As for the content of that meeting, all I know is that the choir presidency will discuss an "exciting set of
objectives to guide our path into the future."

Also of note, the presidency is now mandating that we all get the covid booster or we will not be able to participate. (I will comment on that in the near future)

And that, my friends, is where things are at. 

In the meantime, you can continue watching re-runs of Music & the Spoken Word and hope that the March 10th return-date actually happens. 

And hope that another variant doesn't come along.

Oh wait, another one has come along. BA.2.  And even BA.3. 

Perhaps March 10th is a little optimistic.

Until next time, God be with you.

TCATS #413 - Christmas Concert 2021

This past week was the busiest week of the year for the Choir. Minus Monday night, all the other nights (+ Sunday morning) was spent at the Conference Center prepping for and performing the 2021 Christmas Concert. 

While the whole "choir experience" is still difficult for me right now, I did want to list off ten grateful blessings I was a recipient of this past week. These will be given in no particular order.

10. I was grateful to have had zero traffic issues commuting into the Conference Center. Tuesday night's snow storm was really stressful to travel home in, but aside from that, things were good.

9. I was grateful to witness the legions of people sacrificing so much time and effort to make this concert a reality. It's always so amazing to me how many people it takes and how most of those people do their tasks with a smile. From the filming crew, to the teleprompter guy, to the cafeteria staff, to the make-up team, to the musicians , to the security staff, and 100s of others, thank you.

8. I was grateful to spend time with choir members during breaks and other "down" moments. We normally get so little time to do that (particularly with the covid protocols) that it's refreshingly nice when we do.

7. I was grateful to hear about friends and family who came to the concerts and their positive reactions. Some shared on the choir's FB account how various songs/experiences seemed to be custom-made just for their loved ones who really needed to feel the spirit of Christ in their lives at this particular time. 

6. I was grateful that the Choir got to sing "Jesus, Jesus, Rest Your Head". I enjoyed other songs we sang, too, but this one was my favorite. The choir rarely does anything acapella and not only was this one sung acapella, but it was sung while we were closer together--sort of in a huddle of sorts. It all produced a special feeling.

5. I was grateful that the two special guests were given the opportunity to talk with the choir and tell us all more about them and their beliefs and how much they loved the opportunity they were given to participate with the choir. Both Megan and Neal are devout Christians (despite Neal always playing the "bad guy" on TV and in movies) and their faith/beliefs are a major part of their lives. They are very family oriented and seem to have their priorities straight. 

4. I was grateful that during that session, Neal suggested we pray. So we all stood and prayed Irish Catholic style. It's very meaningful to be part of faith-bridging and to know we're all brothers and sisters. 

3. I was grateful to watch Ryan Murphy direct the few numbers he did. He was all smiles and I could tell hew was really enjoying every moment.

2. I was grateful to witness Megan trying to fix just a few notes she was trying to sing perfectly during our recording session. She accepted the constructive criticism Mack and Ryan gave her with grace and appreciation. It gave credit to the statement she made later during the "sharing session" (#5 above) when she said that one of the things she strives for in the entertainment business she's in, is to find people who are not only supportive of her and her talents when things are going well, but to find people that are still supportive when she fails.

1. I was grateful to Rick Elliott who spotted me walking a few steps behind him (as we were headed to one of our rehearsals) and took the time to ask how I was and how I was faring during this busy week. He didn't have to do that. But it showed me that even one of the most talented organists in the world humbly seeks out the one to minister to.

Hope you all have a very merry Christmas. The choir doesn't resume operations until January 6th, so I'll "talk" to you all then.

Until next time, God be with you.

TCATS #412 - Sunday in Pics

Things went pretty much like clockwork this week as we met Tuesday, Thursday, and then today (Sunday) to prepare for this week's Music & the Spoken Word (MSW), the First Presidency Christmas devotional, and our Christmas Concert on Dec 16, 17, and 18. All of these events are still closed to the general public. They are letting family members attend the weekly MSW broadcasts, as well as friends who are not of our faith, but only 100 individuals per week. And they have to be vaccinated (which I won't comment on, though it's tempting).

I thought it might be at least somewhat interesting for you to see some pics of my choir journey today--just to do something different for this blog. So without any formal introduction to these pics, here we go...

(Double-click to enlarge)

Waiting to turn left into the Conference Center parking lot

Down a corridor towards the test center

A make-shift covid testing center with ten stations

Getting issued my test

Tests waiting for the results to appear

My test station

Waiting to get through security

My wardrobe changing station (B108)

What the changing station looks like

The section that contains all of my suits & ties

Headed out to the choir seats

Conference Center view from the far right.

How things look from where I sit

The songs we performed today

If you look carefully, you can see the various teleprompters

Sorting music in the library after the performance was over. Siope and I gather music from B-56 through B-110

Another view of the music sorting process

There you have it. 

Until next time, God be with you.